yes, that's pretty much why I never told him anything. I didn't want to 'burden' him (if that's the right expression) with this knowledge, and possibly affect him negatively.

I guess why I still think about it is that we never really shared ANYTHING of personal feelings and things like that, not even a simple 'I love you/I love spending time with you/you're a great friend/etc.'. It was sort of complicated, all these strange eye contacs between us, all those longing looks full of embarassment, the sleepovers we both pretended weren't a big deal; but not a single meaningful word spoken. Yeah, I'm conflicted. But it was a long time ago and it's mostly out of my system. It's just little reminders like that film that bring memories back and unresolved feelings.