Hello Dwain,

Welcome back to cblf.

I also had the same relization. I would try and block my sexuality out of my Christian worship and then it occured to me that it was ridiculous since God knew all about it anyway... that Dad knew all my thoughts and desires better than I did and that everytime I had a fantasy or masturbated He was there. Since I got to the point of accepting that I was going to like boys sexually and that I was going to use fantasy and masturbation to "take responsibility for my own sexual needs"* I figured why should I keep God out of that... since it was impossible anyway. If I'm going to stand before my Father, I may as well stand before Him just as I am in all it's entirity. I have to say... it's been liberating and I'm no longer ashamed.

I want to be holy. I want to overcome sin.... and I figure that as long as I don't go sexing any real boys and stay faithful to my wife then I'm doing that.

I ask God's mercy on the rest, but while it's there... I may as well give it to Him along with everything else.

Blessings
Cat.

*Jonathan Mills - 'Love, Covenant and Meaning'