I don't remember a time when I didn't talk to Jesus. We "noticed" in 8th grade I had to adjust my attraction to keep up with my age...until 11th grade when everyone got fake and grew up to be robots of the illuminadi. I never wanted to live to be that old, it just wasn't natural for me. I wanted to die not out depression but that there was nothing more I wanted in the world. I didn't presue boys because of the gay stigma, and all the girls I liked in HS, were based on a fantasy of their smaller selves.

I used to believe in rationality, now I live in a symbolic world. But it's funny to me now I was able to rationalize, back when I believed you could do works to obtain salvation - once every month I would think of children "in that way" to "clean out" for purpose of my health, nothing more so it "didn't count."

Que earlier this year, and a yf found me, and of course I bare the cross of this aura that attracts them in, and sure as purgatory, I became a boylover. No sexual relations or anything like that, I just literally fell in love with the boy...like I want to write billboard songs about our love, but the whole world including me at the time wouldn't accept that.

I still was against gay rights and for keep your cloths on Republican initiatives, but finally I saw I didn't have separate interests from my world, on 3/5/10 I told God I'm a pedophile.
I'm not exactly sure how inspiration works but I sat down at the computer and played a NASCAR game, I designed a car as Jesus and tried to channel him as I raced.

At 80 percent ai Jesus put laps on the field, he was curtious - tried to pass the most cars he could, balancing risk/reward

Then at the short track of Martinsville, VG I put the ai at 120 percent and I raced as Jesus. This same driver, driving as Christ Would, couldn't get out of the way. He couldn't go high or low without interphereing with company, so his goal changed to "try to cause as few accidents as possible while salvaging to go the least number of laps down." That's me this life.

Relativity! People will be ignorant until they are personally affect. I learned from that, that you really just have to meet people where they are. Though I admitted to God, rationally I lack courage with so much time left on the clock, to feed the misunderstood that I am the scum of the world..but symbolically I will tell them of my attraction.

I know Christ is with me because all the lessons I get are though parable. There is no Andy Grifith Show 30 minute fix to our delema, it will Be played out 'helter skelter'" as America the metaphor for the Age of Pisces will fall in the next 3 years. I decided tonight, that I will start to give myself the sabboth. I never really learned to relax, but I look forward to "one day off the clock aweek" which is why I posted here! I feel so much at home now.