I've been very blessed in my experience of the church for the most part - with some howling exceptions. So my expectation is that it can work well and cope with where you are at. But if you are stuck with a far more negative pattern of church life locally then you are being deprived of a very valuable resource, and I'm really sorry to hear that. And it deprives you of a lot of the straight forward ways out of the mess you are in.

I like your point about being 'at peace' rather than 'normal'; a very valuable distinction. Technically normal means what is true of the clear majority - since it is associated with statistics. In practice however it means what is perceived as true of the majority, whether it really is or not, with the result that truth gets sacrificed. As I've mentioned, our minister admitted recently that he has struggled with internet porn in the past. I've also heard two other clergymen admit to the same struggle. I've a sneaking suspicion it is at least common, if not 'normal', among clergy, but it's seldom talked about with the result that many of us in the pews struggle with the issue in painful isolation because of thinking noone else is so struggling...