I was working the other day (I can finally say that :D)
When the 12 year old boy (I just know these things) and his grandmother (I just assumed) came in. This boy has been in my head since then. He had a blue bandana around his neck, a t-shirt and some shorts on. He reminded me a lot of... well, me. Not a care in the world. A real marvel, and I can't quite figure out why. This is where the '??' in the 'Youth??' comes in to play. What happened? I don't feel like I ever, EVER had a child hood. I know that sounds dramatic and drawn out, but that's really how I feel. I wasn't productive as a kid. The first 12 (one could argue 17) years of my life don't help me now. At all. Hurts me if anything. But that's just the way I feel. Where did all the time go? I remember the blue bandana around his neck for some reason, and I won't forget about him for some time. For no reason.
I'm not far away from medical insurance, (and hence a mental health professional) and I'm counting down the days for intense therapy. I need it, I'm not NEARLY even in the same ball park as I was - in the way of being depressed, I'm mostly satisfied right now, I've been asking God for a job for years and I got one, and I'm wholly satisfied. I just - I'm tired of not knowing me. Why does a beautiful boy wearing a blue bandana stick in my head for so long? I find people my age VERY attractive, but I don't think about them habitually. I don't get it, and I want to know why. I want to be understood, and the psycho-therapist I know and have chosen, I think he's entirely capable of helping me get there.

Take care of yourselves :)