The core principle for me is the fact that to be tempted is not a sin. Jesus was tempted, yet did not sin. To be momentarily attracted to a boy is such a temptation; the fact that what we're after is an underage male is irrelevant - married hetro men are tempted by attractive women. The temptation is equally for them and us not blameworthy; the challenge is not to entertain the idea but to move on. My own solution to that is to turn that energy into a prayer for the boy; I thank God for his beauty and ask for God's blessings on him...

And when we do sin? Ask God for his forgiveness and then remember: 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.' I John 1 v 9. God's forgiven us - who are we to continue to beat ourselves up about it?

That at least is the theory for me. It's not easy to get there, but it's the basis I try to live by. And whatever you do, don't get the idea that you're the only one in your church struggling with sexual temptation; the leader of my church admitted to the whole congregation that in the past he's struggled with (straight) internet porn, whilst two other church leaders have admitted the same to me on a more personal basis. One of the biggest failures of the church is the tendency for us all to pretend we're doing fine, when in fact we're in a mess; the definition of real fellowship to me is when you get to the point of sharing your sins; it's sad how few Christians ever experience it. For us of course it is even more problematic given the response we anticipate to any admission of being a BL, or even in some places being gay - which is why this board is so important to so many of us.