Hi please only reply if you're 30 years of age or older. I dont want people who think they know the answer, I want people who've lived long enough to actually know what they are talking about.

Here it is then. I realised recently, which I guess is good progress, that most of my depression and misery comes from a deep seated insecurity that I've had ever since I was a child. Essentially, I feel very strongly that no one as beautiful and 'perfect' as my yf could possibly ever love or like me (platonically). Now I know this is illogical but I still very strongly that it just cannot be possible that he would feel good towards me in any way.

The thing that made me realise the irrationality of this was realising that:
a) i have no problems believing other people, namely people i find less attractive (personality and looks wise), could like/love me.
b) people's personalities are not related to their looks in any significant way

So then I asked myself, why would someone I find attractive or important not like me? It makes no logical sense.

Anyway, obviously I want to stop feeling so insecure about my yf because it destroys relationships and it makes me feel miserable and have big mood swings. I do notice a lot of self sabotage because I have the kind of personality where I'm so focused on the fear of something that might come true that I make it come true, semi-consciously just to get it over with.

I've also tried to boost my confidence but it's only made me arrogant on the outside but still insecure on the inside. I've tried different suggestions like talking to yourself in the mirror and all that over many years (on and off, mostly off) with no results because I don't intrinsically believe what I'm saying and there's no real motivation either to keep going.

Any advice on my situation then?