I am still working a lot of overtime and my body is feeling it for sure. I'm not as young as most of the guys I work with and although I would like to be able to work like they do, I wind up in a lot more pain at the end of the day/week. However, I have found a way to combat the pain and boredom of my job...sort of. Its funny that a recent post was about fantasizing. I've found that I am doing a lot of that lately.

I have become a little more involved with a family at my church. Not to the point where I am personally doing things with them outside of the church, but I am certainly getting to know them a little better. I have written about them in here a little bit in the past. Two of the boys, 15 and 12 years old respectively, are both involved in music and in acting. The 15 year old is currently playing in our Worship Team at church and is doing quite well and I was the one who origionally asked him and encouraged him to play for us. He was reluctant at first but eventually tried it and now plays in two of our teams, which is great. Then his younger brother recently tried playing music as well. Of course I had to go up and tell him how much I loved his playing after the service. He blushed and said, "Thank you" when I did...it was neat. But both boys were in plays this summer and I went to see them. Each was in a different play, and they both did excellent jobs. They are both aspiring actors and it was a thrill to see them perform. The younger one was actually in a musical and sang a duet with a young girl that I couldn't believe. I was right next to the stage and they were sitting on the edge of the stage right in front of me when they were singing. I had a smile from ear to ear. Of course I HAD to go meet the actors after both plays and tell them how much I loved their performances and shake their hands. They just loved that! I am kind of proud of myself for getting out of my rut and doing all this because I have been so nervous around boys, especially boys that I like.

But this brings me back to fantasy. Lately I have found myself fantasizing about these boys a lot while at work, mostly because I have such a boring job. Almost every day I dream about talking to them about different stuff and having fun with them playing music, or things like that. I never think about them in a sexual way. Not that I'm not attracted to them, I am, but I just don't want to think about them in that way. I guess I think so highly of their family and admire them so much that I can't go down that road in my mind...I just don't want to. Their family is such a good and loving bunch, they show their love for one another so easily and so freely, it is wonderful to see. It's such a huge contrast to what I had when I was growing up. Anyway, I would love to be a close friend to those boys but honestly I don't see that happening. I think they like me but have no desire to actually get to know me any more than they already do. It's ok, I am just happy to know them as well as I do, although I would love to be closer to them. I guess that's why I think of them so much while at work.

It's been a little painful to do all this dreaming, knowing that it probably won't ever become reality, but at least I am making some progress in moving from mere dreams to something real.