Although I seriously doubt you can simply will yourself to be a pedophile and then suddenly be attracted to children, I can see the possibility for something good to come of this. Have you considered writing songs about the truth of our situation? How it is so difficult for us to live in a society that hates and fears us, even though the majority of us try to live our lives in a way that is acceptable to society. You could find plenty of useful information right here in this Forum.