So my best friend whom I've been in love with since I was twelve has been spending a lot of time with me recently. I love spending time with him, I love him, I love his personality, and I really love the way he looks.
I've stated plenty of times that I like to call my self 'universally gay' meaning that basically any male can be attractive to me, mostly ages 12 up to my current age, so I get to see and feel a little bit of both worlds.
But it's just my emotions go back and fourth between the two. After hanging out with my young friend, I obviously think about him a lot once we part ways, and I can't wait to see him again, I'm fixed on having a boy so special to me in my life. Then once me and my friend part ways I long to have a romantic, sexual relationship with him. When we where kids we had sex with each other until we where about 15, and then we stopped. Now we just 'joke around' about having sex with each other, only I'm not really joking. I'm hoping he hasn't let go of that, because we have so much and common. Anyway I just go back and forth between the two.

It's weird because I don't think it's wrong to assume some of us *want* a sexual relationship with a boy, but we realize that we can't have.
Take that and factor in a sexual relationship with someone my own age that I've loved for a long time - something I CAN have and it's an odd feeling. I was getting used to never getting what I wanted, and now that the chance could be coming around the corner, I'm not sure what to do about it :|