As BLers, we all have to deal with that double edged sword. On one hand we want what is best for our YF. On the other, we have desires he probably wouldn't respond well to. Even if he did, society's reaction alone would make a physical relationship a bad idea.

It's hard for me to know what to tell you. Because on one hand you say you enjoy spending time with him, but you also say it tears you apart. My own experiences with YFs was that I relished the together time and accepted the lack of the physical. I can honestly say that if I was ever given the choice of a completely physical relationship with a boy with no emotion or friendship involved, or a completely friendly relationship with no physical element, I would choose the friendship every time. I know we can't completely separate the physical and emotional. But I do try to compartmentalize the physical desires and sort of put it in a box. I know it's there. (It reminds me often) But I don't let it define me as a person or as a BLer.

I guess you have to determine if you are more happy with him being around or not. If it's truly too painful to be around him, you should probably not pursue a friendship. But if you can enjoy the time you spend together, then I see no reason why you can't just be his friend.

Dakota