Despite being a 100% BL, I made a choice to get married hoping it would change me... it didn't Despite 20 odd years of choosing to be sexual with my wife, it hasn't made me one bit heterosexual.

I feel that choices we make to do certain thing result in certain consequences, but in terms of pursuing change of orientation I haven't been able to choose heterosexuality.

I personally believe strongly that if I fantasise about a boy I'm attracted to it complicates and compromises our friendship. For this reason I strongly avoid fantasy about boys I know. When I love a boy there are so many dimensions to that love and only one of them is the erotic attraction. It's very easy to focus on all of the other dimensions (play, friendship, common interests, feeling like a boy myself, mentoring, and being paternal to him.. etc...) and, whilst not denying the attraction, just let it be there without fussing over it or fanning it.

I don't think that being with boys (as friends) contradicts living for God. I think we can have both successfully and this is how I seek to live. BL does not define me... being a son of God defines me... but being a BL is definitely a hugely significant part of my experience of life.

Blessings
Cat.