I see that most participants in this board are too overwhelmed to respond to a suicide note these days - how can we revive ourselves with this Christian love of our, my brothers? Truly creation is groaning, as Jesus said.

Herr_fish, if you're still with us, try first of all just killing aspirations to be conventional. This is a prison too many of us live in for too long. We long for a perfect married life that over half of married people never actually have. We long to look approvable in everyone's eyes when in fact that's the most self-defeating and stultifying way of life that has ever been devised - completely uncreative, artless, mindless. God gives you permission to break out of the straitjacket and be seen as strange, and to live differently. That's not encouragement to break the law (though I can't be too pious about that, because if you put my foot on a car accelerator on a deserted, straight road, I have a natural tendency to do that) but there is a huge range of things you can do without going that far.

I've never in my life had sex or attempted to have sex with anyone more than three years younger than myself, but other interesting things have happened. The other day I was looking at a tree that grows inside my house and I noticed it had acquired an ornament. Something zebra striped and unfamiliar. Plucking it down revealed that it was the boxer shorts of a boy whose had been visiting me along with other family members. I texted his mom and she got a laugh. "I think he left them there to make sure he'd have to come back," she said. Well, we did have a good time, but not in any actions that involved the shorts. Still, he doesn't have business cards, so he did what he could.

Stay with us and pray for living ways of breaking out. We love you and God loves you.