my yf is one of the best people i've ever met. he's really "good" on the inside, for lack of a better word. he's repeatedly proven his loyalty, his genuineness, his kindness.

i know i have trust issues.

why the hell am i constantly looking for something negative? like i want to be proven right that he's somehow fucking me? and then i can feel really shitty?

my rational mind knows that he's the best gift/blessing i've ever received, but it scares the hell out of me that i will lose him one day. a part of my mind really believes that it will end one day really painfully and it's like a constant threat looming over my head. ive had friendships with boys that died(the friendship not the boys) after they grew up and we "grew apart". it still haunts me emotionally. a few i really invested a lot emotionally into and they turned out to be total strangers by now. the thing is my current yf likely wouldve done that by now but he hasnt. again i know all these things but i just cannot help but think something terrible will happen and either he'll reject me, or his parents will, or some other unforeseen circumstance.

i really dont want to fuck this up or worse, fuck him up somehow. ive never cared about anyone like i care about him. however, i still have these paranoid thinking patterns that ive had since i was a teen that's ruined several relationships. please help.