After reading your explanation, I had to stop and think. It occurred to me that this particular situation is heavily influenced by society. If the situation were a "normal" relationship, I doubt societal views would weigh so heavily. Turning my back on society is a quick way to find myself in prison. Accepting society's views seems like a quick way to life long misery. Most people claim not to have an answer, but they are pretty clear on what the answer is not, and the answer in not BL. Today I was subjected to an episode of "CSI: SVU", in which one of the main characters says, "there is no such thing as consensual sex with a 15 year old". The dramatic music and lighting made it seem like there could be no worse crime, not even the fact that the 15 girl was murdered. It just so happened that in this episode it was clearly rape, she resisted and tried to get away and all the factors that indicated she didn't consent. And I realized that regardless the situation, that is how BLs are viewed, in that same fashion.

I feel God calling me to a higher purpose, but how can I lead when I doubt myself so highly? I want to spread the message of Jesus and help people redeem themselves and better the world, but I can't without being a hypocrite in the eyes of society. I don't want to become another catholic priest involved in a scandal, but I can't deny my orientation and urges. The whole thing becomes too much to handle, and I find myself on the brink of self destruction. I find myself wondering if I am heading in the right direction, or if God is sending me a message that it is time to make some tough choices. In a world that can't understand God's will or understand God's plan, how can I be?