Welcome aboard... this is a good place for you to ask this question, and hopefully we can offer some wisdom.

We all fall in love. The first time is extra painful because we are discovering something new and amazing and energy giving in our life, and fear that it will never be repeated.

Falling in love gives us real pleasure. The danger is that we believe the Hollywood lie that it gives us an excuse for anything. God created us with the ability to fall in love - but it doesn't excuse us ignoring the rest of our life and what we must do in it.

As Christians our first commitment is to Jesus and doing what He wants. Being in love is something that happens to us. What matters is how we deal with it. Do we choose to do what God wants - or what our human lusts want?

This guy may be really good for you - or could be a total disaster. Is he a Christian as well? Have you talked about your faith? Has he been pressing for sexualising the friendship (for example asking you to send him nude pictures?). (Don't answer that question publicly - but think about it) - or is it a wholly non-sexual relationship from his side? We all need friends to whom we can talk to about the hard stuff in our life. Finding a friendly adult can make being a teenager a lot less painful - but there are wolves out there.

On the wider issue, you need to decide if a gay sexual relationship is what you want in the long term. There are Christians on both sides of this issue, but the faith makes it clear it should be a permanent relationship. So the idea of having one with an adult while you are still a teenager is probably not viable - to commit to a permanent relationship while so young is surely a mistake.

And don't fall into despair if you do lose him. God is faithful, and this life is but a passing time until we find the inexpressible joys of being with Him for ever.

But getting there by suicide won't do. It's fundamentally selfish, as well as being a rejection of trust in God. God WILL see you through - but you have to do it HIS way - which really really is the best in the long term, though you may not be able to see it now.