Thanks for a very real response
Submitted by Forgiven on July 26 2000 18:56:57
In reply to When I Read Your Messages.... submitted by Ford Prefect on July 25 2000 23:46:05
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And I'm sure that Chris deserves the strong votes of support that he's been getting. I'm guess I'm like the past victim of the snake oil salesman who is presented with yet another seller of the same substance - the words have become so devalued that I refuse to take them seriously anymore. The hope necessary has gone.... Which is an explanation - but probably not a justification for sharpness of my comments yesterday. The pressure had built up to the point where some of the bile that is usually kept safely locked away escaped and the board caught the force of it. And I can't pretend that it didn't help somewhat to fire off some of that anger at someone else. :-( The hard question remains as to where things go in the long term. I'm very bad at enjoying the short term - the command to let the worries of tomorrow remain for tomorrow is one that I seldom succeed in obeying. In practice the past year with a constructive relationship with a primary YF (19, straight and fully aware of where I'm coming from) a stable job situation and a few flickerings of other healthy relationships, has been relatively good - I've on the whole been surviving not sinking. But the longer term future is far less attractive - and the resources to cope are barely there. It is a matter of record that God has proved faithful - but the ride has often been less than comfortable, and is ultimately very very wearing. To a large extent I've simply had enough; I struggle to find strong reasons to go on living. Not a good place to be; not a situation you guys can do a lot about - which perhaps makes it unfair that I'm dumping on you to this extent - but very real all the same. Who's for a good theological discussion instead of this depressing stuff!? |
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