Re: More thoughts...
Submitted by ken on August 20 2000 22:17:22
In reply to More thoughts... submitted by Jules on August 19 2000 09:01:28
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Thanks for the post, Jules. What you said is perhaps not what I wanted to hear, but it does relate very much. It's often hard for me to admit that I have a problem, but I can totally relate to and understand your comments about summer camp. I'll tell my pastor that you appreciate his way of helping me with this. "my emotional and sexual needs have been living in a teenage world." I often feel this way. It's hard for me to identify it, since I don't have anything to compare my sexual needs to, but I do think this is partially responsible for my orientation. I frequently desire a boy companion... but I also sometimes desire to be that boy. When I think about it, what it comes back to is that I feel I missed an opportunity to have sex when I was a kid. If I had had more sex then, "when it was OK", things would be better now. Now that I'm an "old man" (not a teen anymore :( ), and especially since I'm a Christian, sex is no longer OK. Bummer. I wish I could go back to being a nonchristian kid so I can have some good sex. It sounds like a dumb thing to think, but hey, that's what I do think. "It's been good for me to get to the point where I could give up all contact with boys if I had to." I often get the impression that the people in my church want me to do that. I hate the idea. But could I? I don't know. I've tried on a couple occasions... it seems bad for me. Not that I long for the time directly, although I do. More, I find my thoughts in general tend to deteriorate to impure things. When I regularly spend time around kids, my thoughts tend to be much more pure, not to mention I feel much more content with my life. I feel I'm doing something useful, that I'm not wasting my time, that I'm making a difference that counts and that is good. I dunno. Do you think I should avoid any contact with boys? |
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