Sometimes it's hard to figure out what's going on
Submitted by Huck Finn on September 22 2000 13:37:10
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Have you ever felt like you don't know what your body is doing? Have you ever just wanted to tell your feelings to stuff themselves in a box and never come out again? Have you ever just not listened to the Lord or your head and done what you've thought to be wrong for years? It seems to me that the harder I try, the harder things get. It seems to me that the better I think I'm doing, the more I get hurt. It's so hard to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. Our flesh is so powerful. Yet we are slaves to it. Or are we? Are we not servants to the Lord almighty? How can I just do something that I Feel is wrong except for the moments that I'm doing it? How can I regret something spiritually but long for it physically? I feel like I'm in a box. And this box confines me to nothingness. For example, one side is my spiritual barriers. Both barriers that keep me from God and barriers from God that keep me from doing what I shouldn't. A barrier of the law that keeps me from what I feel is natural. If that's what you can call it. A barrier of love. Do I love him or do I just lust for him? A barrier of respect. Do I respect him? Myself? A barrier of guilt. A barrier of lies. I'm lying to him. Or maybe I'm not and I'm lying to God. Or I'm lying to myself. Soon, I'm no longer in a box, but a million sided prism that has no way out and no hope. And please don't get me wrong, I love the Lord with all my heart. But because of that Love, I experience my hurt. What's going on inside of me? I dispise my own behavior. The man that serves two master is still the man in need of a savior. I have the savior in my life and heart. But I also have lust, greed, and hormones that ripe him and my heart up. Lamentedly yours, Huck Finn I hope it makes sense to someone |
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