personal thoughts
Submitted by Derek on October 06 2000 01:03:26
|
Hiya, Sorry I haven't posted recently... trying to keep up, along with school and work and all, is kinda tough. Anyway, I'm trying. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Not too long ago I was almost entirely convinced that abstaining from sexual interactions with boys (or anyone I'm not married to) is a bad idea. I think I still am convinced of that, but I've found lately that my desires are very strong. I've asked myself if, given the opportunity, would I give up the relationships I have in my church, and with God, to have sex with a boy? It's an often-visited fantasy of mine (I try not to fantasize, but sometimes it just happens, you know?)... a young friend of mine, or perhaps a boy I don't know at all, approaches me, smiling. We chat, hang out, have fun... He makes a sexual request. How do I respond? I know that at that moment I should have alarms going off and I should avoid going down that road at all... but it seems so much easier, more natural, and certainly more attractive, to follow his lead and stray towards uncertain but exciting ground. "What's it like to have a blowjob?" he asks, or maybe "how big is yours? Can I see it?" After due thought and consideration, I don't think I would say no. I think my desires are more powerful than my convictions. It's not a big deal, I can hide it. Nobody will find out. Besides, it'll be fun... and it couldn't hurt him more than saying "no" would, could it? I'm a little scared. What I'm talking about is giving up quite a bit. It's taken a lot of guts and a lot of openness to get to the point where I am, being able to talk with people in my church about anything. Sometimes I wish I'd never told them. On the other hand, where would I be if I didn't have someone to talk to? I'd be fine if I could find that boy I dream about, but the chances of that are not too high. -- Derek |
Follow ups: