Friends or clients
Submitted by Forgiven on October 10 2000 18:12:12
In reply to Encouragement, Love and Acceptance from Pastors submitted by Comfort on October 10 2000 10:31:25
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One of the features of the institutional church in recent years is that the pattern of ministry has become increasingly professionalised; the role of the pastor is often seen as largely that of the counsellor, and the members of the congregation begin to become their 'clients' on the model offered by the caring professions. One particular feature of this is the adoption of a 'professional detachment' - there is seldom the real sense of a family struggling to work out a problem together. Certainly this has been my experience of the church people who have been along side me in recent months, although in the past we had achieved something far more healthy; due to a change of circumstances that pattern collapsed, and recently I have felt that I have been held at a substantial distance on tongs, a client to be treated, not a brother to be loved. I was moved to say this by the declaration above. On the whole I agree with the theology expressed, but I am wildly unimpressed with the way in which it has been said. Again the homosexual is 'them', rather than a family member struggling with a particularly hard battle - there is no real warmth there - which is very sad. I can't say I'm innocent of the tendency myself - there have been occaisions when I have done the same. One of my more entertaining moments was long ago when living in a shared Christian household, we turned a slightly difficult fellow Christian in his mid 20s away as we really didn't want him to be around. A few minutes later there was a further knock on the door and his enraged mother slapped me around the face for rejecting him.... Such is of course the reason that the model has grown in popularity - to be the seperate professional, providing appropriate care in a safely regulated environment without the danger of it overflowing into the rest of your life. And yes, the pastors do have a hard time of it, especially with the gross use of the telephone to harass them from morning to night. And yet Jesus's pattern of relationship with his disciples was extremely intimate and he describes them as 'Friends' because he has shared everything the Father has shown him with them (Jn 15 v. 14f). As BLs - especially those of us who are not in any form of secure relationship (let's leave that undefined) but exist on the margins of our communities (church and otherwise) - we are in desperate need of the real intimacy and security that the church should provide; instead our secret makes us liable to be defensive and not forthcoming. The institutional response of the church to our situation as singles, and especially as BLS is to professionalise the situation - but this is the exact opposite of what is really required. It is the glory of this board that we are able to be far more open and honest than we are able to be in real life. But it still doesn't completely fill the gap left in our lives by our marginalisation - much as we would wish to, we can't reach through the screen to hug and hang out with our brother who is really going through it. I have every sympathy for the pastors - they are in an impossible position, being expected to do far more than is reasonable. I suspect the answer lies in a radically greater commitment to real relationship among the body of Christ, to a pattern that does not settle for seeing each other on a Sunday, but rather regards it as an unusual day when someone else from the fellowship has not been in touch. Of course this means a smaller unit of fellowship than the local church - numbering its members probably less than 20. And yet this is the pattern at which we seem to have arrived on this board - it is an unusual day when I don't drop by. Perhaps we do have something to offer the wider church?! |
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