Nick and me - God's blessing in my life!
Submitted by Once a Boy on November 20 2000 18:20:59
In reply to Mixed motives - WWJD? submitted by Forgiven on November 19 2000 11:54:11
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I've known Nick since he was 3. We have had many enjoyable moments over the past 9 years. I honestly believe God has blessed these moments. This past summer we were together a great deal. I have been tempted many times. For example, one time this summer, I slept on the couch, and he came down in his boxers and I had just shorts on. We had a pillow fight and ended up on the couch just laying next to each other with a definite possibility that we could have done something. There seems to be a battle insinde me. At times, I know I could have rubbed his back and led us into something... Besides our usual playing and having fun, this summer, Nick shared some of his saddness and guilt over some things he has done, and I opened up to him sharing some of my life experiences and to give him hope. This summer we connected in a very important way! Nick lives 300 miles away, and he missses me very much. After retreating because of his anger that I left to go home, he recently pleaded with me via instant message and E-mail to visit him for Thanksgiving. Thus, I am on my way tomorrow to see him! In this forum, I've spoken about Joe (met him when he was 11), and Joe was a really cute kid (now he's a very handsome 22 year old). However, Nick is the most cutest kid I have ever known (and I've known thousands of boys in my lifetime)...Nick has blond hair, the best blue eyes, in short, very attractive. As I mentioned, I have had a friendship with Nick for the past 9 years. Definitely something could have also happened when he was 10, but for some reason, it was a bit easier to walk away from any thoughts of sex. Now that Nick is 12 and sexually "mature," I find it a bit more tempting. After our talks this summer, I see that Nick is definitely at risk. He knows just how much I care about him, and I am glad that he trust me with telling me things he has never told anyone...I, too, shared something I never shared with anyone. Our friendship has become more intimate, more intense. I would never force myself on Nick. I love him, and he loves me. The part of him loving me concerns me now because he gives me cues that he wants something to happen. I guess I am writing this to ask all of you to pray that Nick and I have a lot of fun together, share even more, and that God helps me build up Nick and continue to let Nick know that God loves Him. In the past, God has used me to build up Joe, Seth, Ben, Brian, Ryan, Dennis, Chris, Phillip, and many others. Nick's heart has been hurt a lot in life, and I do not want to do anything that hurts him. Of all the boys I came in touch with, I only fell once and that was with Joe. Joe, at 14-15, wanted more, and I retreated from a sexual relationship developing. That relationship has survived, and I don't really know if sex would have enhanced or broken that relationship. We had something indescribable! In any case, God has helped make Joe shine on despite all that happened to him. I am a doer. I am one who makes an impact in boy's lives. I just don't want to let this feeling get in my way of being there for Nick. I deeply care for him. I just ask you to pray for me and Nick to continue to make more steps forwards than backwards in our relationship. I know the care and love for Nick will win out. It always has. My concern is that this kid is different than others I have dealt with; I think he wants my touch just like Joe did when he was 14. Joe and I had a deep love. I know God forgives and forgets, and He loves me. Since being in this forum, I have prayed and read my Bible on a regular basis, and now, I am unclear as to this most recent development. Nick sent me a card after I left. "See this smile on my face." Opening the card, "You put it there." Then Nick mentioned some things. I have been blessed many times over by God. Joe's not dead or in prison, and Nick was on his way to drugs and suicide. Nick, as beautiful as his outside appearance is, had been wanting to die! I have brought, with God's help, much joy into his life. Well, I am rambling. Please pray for safe travel, and that God continues to protect and enhance our time together. Much thanks, Happy Thanksgiving! (I have a great deal to be thankful for) ~Once a Boy |
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