Re: Jordan, Did someone hurt you?
Submitted by Jordan on January 24 2001 23:25:46
In reply to Jordan, Did someone hurt you? submitted by Once a Boy on January 24 2001 21:10:06
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Yes, someone did hurt me, I was abused by a so called "boylover" when I was 15 years old. The man in question was 46 years, three times my size, "1000 times" heavier than I and a lot stronger. Im sorry for my constant condemnation, maybe your right, maybe I do have a deep seated anger which I haven't really dealt with. In fact there are many issues that I haven't dealt with. My "voyage" into homosexuality started as a result of the abuse afflicted upon me by this so called "boylover" I was left confused as hell and seriously questioning my sexuality. "I must be gay otherwise a man never would have done this to me" was my line of thinking & if it wasn't for the healing power of God, I'd still be sleeping with every Tom Dick & Harry. Still having sex in public toilets, in dark side streets, in gay bath houses (or whatever they are called LOL!) & in nightclubs and bars. Thanks to God, he has shown me that freedom and healing is possible, that change is possible. I was a practicing homosexual for over 20 years however, in the last 9 years I can honestly say that I have never engaged in any form of sexual behaviour with another man. And nor do I find myself drawn to them out of a need of comfort, understanding, love and male intimacy, none of which I got from my father. As for having reason's for being the way you are, I don't really, I just don't accept that boylovers nor homosexuals are born boylovers or gay. I have no problems with men (or women) loving boys (or girls) as I said before, it is only natural to love children, even Jesus did. Love is not the issue, but what one does with that love and whetehr or not they cross over the boarder between love and lust, love and abuse. Its been my experience that "boylovers" may very well love "their" boy but in most cases or perhaps, I should say, in many cases that love ends up crossing that boundary I spoke about earlier and enters the realm of lust/abuse/sexual manipulation and coercion. Having said that, I realise it is wrong of me to put all "boylovers" in the same box, as someone said before, we are all different. Please forgive me for placing you all in the same box, as all being "perverted child abuses" I realise now that, such a thing was wrong. Yep that previous post about the man and pornography on the net, was NOT me rather, something I came across on the Exodus International website. The point of it was to show that change is possible. "Fear us into changing" I don't see these post's as wanting to instill fear in any of you. I guess they are just my stupid way of "warning" you guys that should you (or I) choose to live in sin, we will pay the price for it. I don't accept that Jesus will continue to forgive us, time and time again ... Yes, nothing can remove us from the love of God but surely, you don't believe that because of that love we have a "licence to sin" because God will forgive us? I certainly don't, anyway enough said, my hands are getting sore LOL! |
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