Who are you at four in the morning? (OCC repost)
Submitted by Sprite on February 01 2001 06:50:18
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This is a repost from OCC. I thought maybe some one here might have something to say about it... advice/insight, maybe, I don't know... Thanks, in advance. ---------------Who are you at four in the morning? (OCC repost) I heard that on, of all places, Beggars & Choosers, a Showtime series... There's a gay character, and Bruce Campbell(sp?) was on there this time... He's playing an actor... He slept with the gay guy, and later said he was just drunk, and it wasn't something he wanted to do again... He pretended to be drunk again, to have sex with the gay guy again... The gay guy confronted him with his belief that Bruce was faking being drunk this time, and last time too... And blah, blah... Bruce said he didn't know if he was gay, because he slept with women too... So, the gay guy asked 'who are you at four in the morning'. Bruce said 'what?'. The gay guy said, 'when you wake up at four in the morning, your defenses are down, and you can't lie to yourself. Who are you?'. (Bruce said 'I've been thinking of you at four in the morning'.) So, here's where I come in... I've been sleeping during the day... I went to sleep yesterday at 10am, and woke at 7pm, or so... But a little after midnight, I started feeling tired, and a little sick... So, I took some tums, and went to bed... Having already slept, and having had some chocolate milk, I slept rather fitfully... Then I had a sort of day dream at night, that came at the tail end of various dreams/fantasies, etc., that my mind came up with to keep me entertained, while I tried to sleep... It was sort of a dream... I was actually awake, but my mind was making the thing up as I went along... I was awake, yet not awake... Asleep, yet not asleep... In the dream, or whatever, I was about 8 or 9 years old... I was seeing a psychologist, that I had seen in real life when I was about 14, or so... My folks had left the room, it was just me and him... I asked him if he was homophobic... He said 'no'. I said 'good', and walked over to the chair he was sitting in... I took the clipboard & pencil he was holding, and set them on the couch... I climbed up into his lap, and asked him to hold me... As he did, I cried into his shoulder... And admitted to him(myself?), that I needed that kind of affection... I needed to be held, I had needed that all the time... And still do. But, I've never had it. Just for the record, I was crying, when I stopped being half asleep... I got up, and saw that the clock said it was 11 after 4... So... I guess this answers the question for me... I know who I am at four in the morning... Some one who needs affection... But, God only knows how long it may be before I get it... Sprite. |
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