The road is not dead end?
Submitted by Forgotten on February 19 2001 12:36:05
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My relationship grew very fast with this family. In short they loved me, and I was soon asked to move in with them. Yeah I know...move in? I told them that they did not even know me...and I made them think about it some more before I said yes. (M) who was 8 had a little brother (D) who was 6. I had met (D) at the camp but really did not put alot of my attention in on him...but here living with them, I had no choice. Something I did not expect was the fact that these two boys ran around the house nude quite a bit...just something their family was comfortable with. This did not help me at all, this family trusted me...and I am sitting here getting excited about them running around nude. One day as I was watching TV (D) came up into my lap and kissed me and right on the lips. WTF why did he do that...the feelings started rushing back in from my childhood again...I was so ready to do what I knew I would regret. But then something happened...I stopped him. I laughed it off and told him to stop being silly. Why had I stopped him? Well, I thought about it for a couple of days and realized the truth. I had fallen in love with (D), and not like a man loves a women but like a father truly loves his son. (Such is the love our father above gives to us) I could not believe it...but I knew it was true and I decided to tell him. I wanted him to know how much I cared about him, I mean I had never loved a child before, (M) was like a bro, (D) was like the perfect child the son I would want but probably would never have. It was a nice sunny day out in the park when I decided to confront him. I started off asking him who he loved he stated "mommy, daddy" I asked about his brother and he said yes. Then I asked him who he thought loved him...and I got the same reply. I said there is no one else that loves you? He told me no...but that's not true...I could think of 30 people that love that kid to death and I had become his next victim. I figured that the others prob just had never told him. So I simply said "I love you too (D)" he got angry and told me that I did not. I asked him if he thought only his dad, mom and brother could love him and he replied yes. So I told him that it was untrue and got up and went inside. As the days past on, (D) and me became closer than ever. He constantly sat with me and watched Tv, and asked me to come play outside with him. But it was on this one day that everything changed for (D) and me. He was putting on his skates and I was waiting right beside him cause I was going skating with him. When he looks up at me and says "Forgotten?" I replied "Yes (D)?" "I love you." he said. I think I almost died there, I told him of course that I loved him too. And he repeated "No, I really do love you." I knew at that moment that I would do anything for (D), die, kill, and def protect him. After that day, every little moment counted. I constantly told him that I loved him, I had a feeling that our time together was short. Me and him slept in the same bed a few times, spent countless hours watching Tv, playing games on nintendo, playing hockey. I use to pick him up from school in the summer and one day out of the blue, he looks right into my eyes and tells me "I missed you today" My heart skipped a beat and I had to hold back my joy which I think was going to come as tears. He grabbed my hand and we walked to the car, I lived and breathe for him that summer. And I know it sounds weird but he was my reason for living. Eventually all things must end and the family found work in anther state, making more money and moved away. On judegement day I swore I would not cry, of course I had not in 7 years, I doubted I even had the ability to do so anymore. I took alot of pictures and went to tell (M) and (D) goodbye for the last time. I stated that it looked like they were all packed and ready to go, that's when (D) looked at me and told me he was going to miss me. Of course he burst into tears half-way into that sentence. I could not help it...I could not stand to see (D) so sad, and the tears came. He said "I am not going, I am staying with you" as he stated to pull of his seatbelt. My heart exploded I can't explain how I felt when he said that. It's like god himself came down from the heavens and fed me all the love in the world at once. Damn I loved (D) so much. But he was still a kid, and he had two wonderful parents. My crying continued from the time they pulled away until the next morning. The pain was unbelieveable, I told god how much it hurt and that why did he ever let me meet (D). If finding that kind of love felt that good imagine it being ripped away just like that. In all my life I had never loved anyone like I loved him. I mean I had never been a father before and I guess I got a taste of it. I soon realized excatly why I met (D), I had stopped. Loving that kid had stopped me from offending again. I now know that (D)'s and my paths had meant to be crossed and I after the pain subsided I thank god for letting me meet him. I still have that part of my soul missing, and it's possible a child of my own could fill it...but I will never know till then. Sigh only to hold him once more and tell him that I do care, and that I am not fake like some of the world, and if he ever needed anything...just to let me know. Remember kids forget, adults do not. My hope is that I told him enough that he will remember just one of those times...and go "he did care." God bless every last one of you. Forgotten |
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