You need real love
Submitted by Collin on July 25 2001 22:31:20
In reply to boylove girlove anylove submitted by Massive Attack Angel on July 23 2001 00:46:25
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I've only posted here once before that I can remember so I'll introduce myself as a Christian ChildLover even though that stereotype has many misgivings when you get to know me. It's great you've taken the courage to post here so openly. Don't ever be afraid to be real here. When I found this place even just reading through the posts really helped me in my struggles. I couldn't believe there were others like me, asking the same questions that were on my own heart. Now that I've been down many paths alone, I guess I'm hoping that I can find companions as well as use my experiences to help others traveling the same direction. I suppose I should have shared more before, but I've always been the type to go it alone and learn the hard way. I myself am attracted to boys and girls, though I really consider myself 'universally attracted' since I find myself attracted to people from all walks of life, all genders, all ages. I know the struggles you've been having personally and though it's been ages since I had urges to brush up against a child in public I've been there before. I don't mean to say that in a demeaning way as if I place myself as better or beyond you, but rather to add credit to what I say and to let you know you really aren't alone. Additionally though I'd like to imagine I know a lot about life I'm only a hobby philosopher and psychologist :) So be sure and take my advice as just friendly advice and insight from a friend. Thinking back to when I was in that stage of my life I was very confused but also very dangerous. While there were times I'd experience no sexual attractions at all, I know now looking back that at any time I could have acted on my attractions in ways that would have cost innocent children around me their joy and innocence. This is going to be the hardest thing I tell you, but you need to stay away from children as much as possible for a while. Obviously, you also need to quit going to public places without a good reason. Like I said I've always learnt the hard way. Had someone been close enough to give that advice to me years ago I would probably have just continued down the same path until I hit the same detour I eventually came to. Still I wish someone would have been able to talk with me then, no matter what my response might have been. I feel like it's an important step that you realize you do have a legitimate need for love, but even you can see on your own it's so strong that it has become erotic and sexualized. You don't need to be with children, you need to find love in peer relationships. Only when you find real love in other places will your attractions be able to lessen. Not that you won't find little girls, or possibly even boys, attractive ever again- but you will be able to handle those attractions and the lust will subside. You said you have started to have a fantasy involving this boy you've met recently. I'd encourage you to try and objectively look at your attractions towards boys in the past and present. Certainly it could just be a 'physical reaction' to being close to him but from what you've posted it seems like there's something going on in your head you don't want to look at or admit to yourself fully. Remember you're not 'becoming gay' if you are attracted to him but rather you're just realizing things that already are there. I know that doesn't help much, but to deny the truth to yourself will just make things worse. Spiritually speaking it's natural for you to feel separated from God right now. You probably see your actions as sinful, meaning that you'd have guilt and difficulty feeling God's presence in your life. Whether you feel guilt or not though, often when we fall into pits in our life we stray far and wide from really worshiping and seeking God as we should. Be real with Him. He already knows your heart and loves you unconditionally. Pray that He will reveal His plan for your life and give you guidance each new morning. The Lord wants to help you heal. He wants you to know love and life as He designed you to. Draw near to Him, He's already drawn near to you. Welcomingly, Collin |
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