the church is the problem, not you
Submitted by Splash! on July 27 2001 04:33:39
In reply to It’s getting hard to breath. (intro, long, X BC) submitted by Nate on July 21 2001 06:20:28
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A very similar situation happened to me. My church "family" disowned me because they thought I was having an adulterous affair with my YF's mother. I was very close to the family, and they didn't understand why -- and rumours were spreading, especially when my YF's mother filed for divorce from her husband. The church (board and pastor) told me that I could no longer have contact with her and her children. I had been a friend of the family for more than three years -- how could I just cut them off? especially during a time such as this? I couldn't. The church board said they were surprised by my behavior (whatever they perceived it to be) and pulled my membership. Soon after this, my ministries were taken from me one by one. And then people at church stopped talking to me or smiling at me. No one ever asked me if the rumours were true, but they were acting as if they believed them. It wasn't right. I had to leave. They were no longer the "family" I once knew them to be. [very brief summary. my whole story can be found in the August 2000 postings here]. Nate, you seem to have things pretty well under control regarding your feelings toward boys, knowing your limits, being self-disciplined, being a good mentor and friend, and knowing how this part of you makes you a unique and useful member of the body of Christ. It appears to me that your church "stereotyped" you and reacted out of fear, trying to find a quick fix (to your detriment) before you harm someone (a boy and/or his family). I'd feel very insulted and betrayed by them. You have a gift with boys (possibly God-given). The church (including your pastor) may have reacted exactly the way the enemy would have them react, by taking away your abilties to be useful in the church. What are you supposed to do now? I always find it strange how the church tries so hard to save souls, telling people that no matter what they've done that they're sins can be forgiven, and then when they're saved, they kick them around for the smallest of things (or for things that you haven't even done and have no intention of doing). I don't know your whole situation, except for some of what I've read here, but it appears to me that you need to get together with your pastor (and maybe some elders) to discuss these things. Are you never to have a ministry in the church again? I mean, one that God has specifically called you for? I would think that they would let you continue with the agreement that you work alongside another adult to keep you accountable. If I were you, I might start thinking about another church, if not getting away from churches altogether for awhile and working on a one-on-one relationship with the Lord. God doesn't give us talents for us (or others) to bury in the ground (remember that parable?). God will continue to give you opportunities to use them and help you and others profit from these talents. Obviously, this has already happened in these 4 boys' lives and the lives of their parents. The church is often an obstacle to keep us from doing what God already has us doing. Sometimes we have to close our ears to the church so we can keep our ears open to God. Stay in prayer and read the Word -- this is how you discern what God would have you do. |
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