First Post
Submitted by Cat Daddy on July 30 2001 03:13:28
| This is my first post on any board. I have been to the Boylinks site many times, but haven't checked out the chat boards and bulletin boards until now. A brief biography may be helpful at this point. I'm not sure if it's okay to be explicit with my experience, but this is what took me to where I am. So, here goes. Sorry if you find this offensive. I grew up in a Christian home. My father was a minister whose ministry took precedence over family. My first sexual experiences occurred one time independently with my two brothers who were nine and eleven years older than me. I must have been about five at the time. One brother masturbated me to the point of a dry orgasm almost. The other brother persuaded me to very briefly give him a blowjob. I did have a few experiences (playing doctor) with friends closer to my age throughout my elementary school years. When I was in the third grade, one friend (3 yrs. older)showed me how to put the moves on a girl. In the process he fondled me and kissed me. That was the only time I was ever kissed by a boy, but I do remember that I liked it. He later told me about a jr. high teacher who fondled boys in the classroom while showing science films. He had been one of the boys. That teacher became the principal at the elementary school at which my mother taught. I transferred to that school for my 6th grade year. I almost caught him with my older friend in the school basement during a PTA meeting. My friend told me that I would have caught them in the act if a door hadn't slammed. I remember actually wishing I'd had a relationship with that principal. He never did anything with me or even made any advances of any kind and I was too scared to initiate anything with an older man. Does this mean I was hoping to be a loved boy? Until I was about 15 I had summer time sexual experiences with friends who lived near my grandparents farm. From the time I was about 11 yrs. old, I began to recognize that younger children were attracted to me. Not a sexual attraction, but they did seem to gravitate towards me. When I was in college, I began to teach a 5th grade Sunday School class. From that time on, I realized that God had blessed me with an ability to relate to kids. With no effort on my part kids would gravitate towards me. I found it very easy to establish a rapport with kids. As my Sunday School class graduated, I moved up with them until they were in jr. high. That was where I found my heaven on earth. I loved working with jr. high age boys. I established relationships that are still strong 25 years later. I did have one relationship that was a quasi-sexual one. I gave a YF a back rub that including rubbing his butt. I very lightly and briefly brushed against his penis through his underwear. After that I felt such guilt that I broke off the relationship and even told his parents! Stupid me. Following that I started working at Christian sports camp for about ten summers. I absolutely loved working there. It was such a positive atmosphere and all anybody wore were shorts, socks, and shoes all day long. Playing sports, swimming, and showering together was a BL's dream. I was able to hug, hold, and even at times sleep with young boys through that ten year period. Unfortunately, I self destructed and did something stupid. On a camping trip a young boy ran up to me, pulled his shorts down, and thrust his penis out at me, and as a joke I reached out and touched his penis with a stick I was holding. It was a non-sexual gesture, and the boy thought it was funny, but the camp took exception to my actions and fired me. That was twelve years ago. I had never even heard the term "boylover" until I happened to run across Free Spirits two or three years ago. That's when I realized that there were other people like me. I'm not sure if that's a comfort or not. Finding Free Spirits in some ways has been reassuring, while in other ways offered new opportunities to sink to new lows in my depravity. That has been the hardest thing for me spiritually. I used to pray for young boys I would see. Now my thoughts towards them are not so lofty. Is there anybody out there who can relate? |
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