I missed the boat so I took a plane
Submitted by Collin on August 8 2001 11:25:34
In reply to Restored! submitted by Nate on August 2 2001 00:30:51
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I was going to post this down further under your first thread but looks like I missed the boat so I modified it and stuck it up here instead :) I read your post first here but after three readings, including the responses and sub-threads, I still couldn't bring myself to post anything. Now here I am making my first post registered and I guess I feel I'm ready to attempt a response. After all it's only fair that I return the favor from my first attempt at a post over at BoyChat right? :) Part of my hesitation in responding comes from a bit of apprehension. See when I introduced myself in my first post I said I was a "Christian ChildLover even though that stereotype has many misgivings when you get to know me." My views on Christianity and God are anything but Orthodox or Fundamentalist. Certainly I have a strong conceptual grasp of Fundamental Christianity as it's preached and practiced in most Judaic circles. But personally my convictions lie with God, and no other. So if my lack of faith and trust in religion as opposed to God turns you away from my advice, please try to not let it turn you away from me as a person. I think almost everyone who's had the experience of coming out to their pastoral staff or church family at large has received similar responses. Not all mind you, but most. To tell Christian clergy that you're attracted to minor boys you basically get three responses. Yes I'm generalizing and stereotyping but it's for the sake of discussion. The first is acceptance, a desire to learn and understand, and faithful spiritual support. The leadership honestly seeks to embrace you in love and doesn't fear or condemn any part of your personal ministry, even with boys. That one is what we'd all hope for, but very few receive. The second is they perceive what's going on through their own understanding, make their calls based on 'sound Christian doctrine' or 'wise Christian counsel' and begin to treat you as if you are quite different than you were just moments ago. They mean well and treat you with what seems to be caring Christian concern. Most often they try to council you or send you to a therapist who knows little and understands even less about the situation. The third group is the diametric group to the first response. They basically tell you you're going to hell, that you're demon possessed, and remove you or drive you out of the church. Certainly there is wide spectrum between those but it seems to me that you've found a church that rides with between the first and second group pretty well. They have put on the face of Christian open mindedness, forgiveness, and grace twards you and yet they have stripped you of all leadership positions until now and more importantly they've kept you as far away from boys as possible. Christians are very good at putting on appearances. Sometimes without even realizing it. It's exciting you've recently been asked to step back into ministry in a leadership capcacity, but realize that you've done nothing wrong and yet you're still being punished for it. I know they wouldn't call it punished but that's what it is. It's social control. I believe almost all modern organized religion is social control, but I'll stay out of that subject. What I'm getting at though has more to do with the fact that you have been around boys your whole life to varied degrees and now simply because they now know more of the story you're seen in a completely different light. It's irrelevant if it's a church, family, job, or perfect stranger- today’s society has such a prejudice and stigma when it comes to pedophilia that unless you're dealing with an extremely open minded person chances are just by admitting your attractions you're already guilty in the other's eyes. I can't help but see your genuine concern for these boys pour though your posts. You're heart is on track and you're being given an awesome opportunity to be a part of WTs life. The biggest problem I see in all of what you've said is that you're still holding on to a church that doesn't fully understand you for who you are. Instead of encouraging you to become a mentor and use your talent for loving boys they turn and bury it worried that it's dirty and shameful. You mentioned the Wounded Healer in your first post. Tell me, does a healer have much of an effect when they are not allowed to be in contact with those who are suffering, with those who are begging to be healed? You not only are hurting yourself by allowing this sanction against relationship with other boys, but you're actually *hurting* boys themselves by denying them your love and all you have to offer. Ours is a relationship of love and support with the Father who is the true Teacher. I suppose if in your prayer and walk with God you have in all sincerity felt that your current church is where you belong then I have nothing else to say on the matter- the Lord certainly is capable of miracles after all. :) On the other hand, realize that it's not the church you're commanded to love first but God Himself. Your pastor is human and just as sinful and fallible as you are. Every time you sit down with him realize it's not God sitting across from you, but rather another human who has the ability to be just as misguided and wrong as you. Attempt not to follow another man but rather seek a deeper relationship with God and His truth directly in as many ways as you can find. That's the best guidance I think I could give anyone really. Don't allow others in your life to stand in the way of God's calling for you. My heart goes out to you and my hopes are you will have a wonderful impact on WT and his family. Dive deep, seek peace, love forever Collin Maxwell |
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