I'm moving that way myself...
Submitted by Jules on January 5 2002 12:41:38
In reply to Be Careful What You Ask For submitted by Ben on January 4 2002 07:07:10
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Ben, Good question. I don't have a girlfriend, in fact I've never had, but I do want one now - or rather I want the latest gorgeous girl that I've seen. So far she has never wanted me... I do think honesty is essential. Hiding something of yourself from her really isn't helping a long term relationship. There are lots of things about you that you don't even know yourself, I'm sure, and you can't be blamed for 'hiding' them from her. But something you already know, and understand to some degree, you can't really deny her. What about any of your childhood experiences, pain and longings, that might be related to why you are BL? Haven't you ever shared any with her? How well does she really know you? Don't react to this by holding back from her; you have to go for it. If she can't cope, then it's better to know now rather than 20 years time... As for sexual arousal, and all that, they say that sexual arousal comes more easily when you're relaxed, rather than at all anxious about it. So if you do go ahead and get married, the thing you should concentrate on is giving her a good time, and not worry about your own bits. You need to love her enough to want to do that: to explore her whole body and enjoy discovering that she finds it arousing; to enjoy giving her pleasure, regardless of whether it arouses you or not. If you don't feel you're ready to do that, then maybe you're not ready for marriage. It should be about giving her pleasure because you love her, including her body, not about arousal, or about needing to perform in a certain way. Your getting aroused is her job, not yours. Your job is to get her aroused. Enjoy what you can do; don't worry about what you can't. There you are. Sexual advice from me, who's never ever done it! Well, it just shows how much I imagine, and how much I do want it to happen one day. And I suppose it shows that I don't feel inhibited about imagining it either... I'd better go now. With Christian love, Jules |
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