I've Ben there
Submitted by Avatar on January 6 2002 02:43:58
In reply to Be Careful What You Ask For submitted by Ben on January 4 2002 07:07:10
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I fell in love with her on our first date. I will never forget that first kiss so many years ago. We were 20 years old and it turned out we were both bi-sexual. She didn't know that I was in love with a 12 year old boy at the same time. That was over 20 years ago. To this day they are both my best friends, we spent Christmas Eve together. So why am I posting this here today? I was reading BoyChat and when I saw the name BEN I just had to read the post. I was concerned you might not see my post so I came over here to respond. This is the first time I've ever posted here. I remember you from the old days at BC. You helped me and probably don't even remember my name. That's okay most people don't realize how long I've been around. I don't remember any specific posts except for your tag line "You are not alone". I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I read the name Ben from BoyChat. I almost married that girl I am in love with but knew it would not be fair to her. When I broke her heart and told her I didn't want to marry her she said "In twenty years from now you will be a lonely old man". How could I tell her I was also in love with a 12 year old boy? I simply told her as close to the truth as she could handle. Told her that I could not be faithful. We broke up for a few years but eventually became close friends. She is my soulmate and we will be together forever. I became a born again Christian and tried with all my heart to follow the ways of God. Guess I always was Christian but now lean more toward Hinduism, but still believe in God. How is that for a mix? Ben, you wonder if you will be able to 'perform' on your wedding night and are concerned about your sex life. Chances are you will be fine in bed but if you are anything like me your thoughts will soon wonder and a slave can not serve two masters. We only have one master (GOD) but you know what I mean. There are some people who are able to be a Boylover and be married but it is not for everyone. Ben, you are a good person and want to do the right thing. You already have, you have prayed on it. You will make the right decision. If my advise or parts of it don't strike a cord with you then just ignore them. My feelings won't be hurt. I want you to be happy and support any choice you make. This may sound strange but I feel closer to God by not getting married. I ask God why, why why can't I get married but there is no response. He will tell me when He wants to tell me. There are times that I know with certainty what God wants me to do. I don't hear voices and it is not a feeling I just know sometimes what God wants for me. Do you know what God wants you to do? Do you wonder if your feelings for wanting to get married are drowning out what God is trying to say to you? Is God saying I want you to get married? In every big decision in my life God has always come through and let me know in which direction I should go. It is okay to consider what people have to say for advise but you should only do what the person inside of you tells you what He wants you to do. So forget what I have to say and what other people have to say. What does God say about it? |
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