Performance (and a reply to the below replies)
Submitted by Altima on January 29 2002 19:47:55
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I'll get to an original point before I reply to the many great replies to my post below. I just had what was technically a "dress rehearsal" for my play. It actually turned into a "student night" type thing, so there was actually quite a big audiance. Stravinsky once described the debut of his Firebird Suite as "A blur of glittering celebrity." I won't presume to describe myself as anything near a celebrity, but he sure got the "blur" right. I was surprised by how fast 2+ hours goes, even when one is in character for the entire time, focusing on a part. At one point, I suddenly though to myself, "Holy shishcabob, it's almost over already!" I was wearing lots and lots of makeup, to hide my red cheeks. I had already rubbed something on my face earlier to curb that redness. I looked into a mirror a little before the play, and the light must have played a trick on me. I was like a ghost, paler than usual, but my eyes seemed sunken into my skull, my mouth a shadowy slit of darkness and my nose becoming nearly invisible. Of course, I altered some things after that, and wound up looking pretty normal on stage, but it was one of the few times where my mirror image didn't seem like me. Kind of conveniant, really, because what I focused on was becoming another person anyway. An odd thing, acting. On can simplify it to "pretending to be someone else," but it goes so deep when one thinks about it. There's two levels to the whole thing, the first is more daunting and takes time to practice, and that is the logistical efforts of being on stage (or screen). Things like "cheating" to the audiance and vocal projection and such. The next level is the real deal, actually changing yourself to become a different person. I've thought of many analogies for it. One, to use a techie-geek simile, could say that it's like getting a computer system to emulate another system, and then try to run a few on both systems. It overtaxes the machine, usually. But to swap and jump and use mixed metaphors, I personally like the line John Cusack (or at least his character in the body of John Malkovich) said in the film Being John Malkovich, on the topic of controlling the body of Malkovich: I've figured out how to stay in Malkvoch longer. Instead of thinking on his as an enemy that needs to be pounded into submission, I think of Malkvoch as a really expensive suit that I enjoy wearing. I've put on a second(?) skin for an audiance for the first time, and I have won. (The little "?" is there because I've speant a lot of time in my life pretending to be a kind of person I'm not. Kind of a long story.) REPLIES: tigris: Yes, I can feel that I am at what could e a turning point. The trouble is that I feel I'll have to really perservere to get the outcome I desire. Even more troubling is that I'm not quite sure what exactly I desire. Ben I'm not sure about telling people what's going on inside. A lot of it is so intangible that discussing it with someone seems like it would be painful, not really to get someone to understand (that would be patronizing to them) but I don't think I'd have the ability to really articulate my inner conflict and make it seem like a real problem. I'm not sure, but I'd probably come across as a whiny pompous kid. :) I'd be they'd with I had problems with things like getting homework in on time or something they could really help with. And I haven't really done anything much sexual yet. Haven't even kissed anyone. Even physical skin-to-skin contact with people feels... odd, and I'm aware that is unusual. At the risk of sounding very old fashioned, I find the dissascociation of sex and love distasteful. I have no burning desire to go and (insert euphemism here) with someone. Perhaps I'd feel that, after having sex, I'd have very low faith in humanity, having seen all they have to offer, so to speak. I'm going to save sexuality for when I care, at the risk of looking like a complete ameteur jackass when I finally get around to doing it :) Mark and Forgiven I'd just like to say "thanks" for being the buddies you have always been. I'll try and get a new email adress ASAP. :) hopesalive Perhaps my life does need much more focus. At the moment, it sometimes seems like a mix between blind routine and moving on from one random event to the next, roaming aimlessly through existance. I think I'm setting some good goals for myself now though, so hopefully this will improve my life... And there's no way Macauley Culkin matches up to Haley Joel Osment! No way! :) But I think you hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head when you said Greatness was bursting from me, and smallness was invading my soul. I couldn't have put it better myself. Thanks everyone. -Alti |
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