Re: a new insight into boylove (reply to tigris)
Submitted by Mark on January 30 2002 22:10:19
In reply to a new insight into boylove (reply to tigris) submitted by Splash! on January 28 2002 15:42:26
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I hope you don't mind my interjecting my ideas here. Do you think if we stopped entertaining thoughts of boys we could somehow go back to a time when it wasn't so much of an obsession for us? I don't believe it is an obsession for us. Remember that it is possible for straight men to be attracted to women without being obsessed with them. In the same way, it is possible for us to be attracted to boys without being obsessed with them. Of course, I do admit that our feelings loom larger in our minds than they do for straight men simply because we cannot act on them the way straight men can, and because of society's fear and hatred of us for our feelings. In Ted Bundy's last interview, he talked about a similar obsession with women...then he eventually kidnapped, raped, and killed women...I've heard a lot of talk about growing sexual addiction/obsession, and I wonder how much is true of us? None. At least, for most of us. Ted Bundy is not a typical straight man. Someone who rapes and kills boys is not a typical BLer. It's easy for us to think we're "addicted" just because we have sexual feelings a lot. Remember that straight people have sexual feelings a lot too. Those straight teenagers are especially "obsessed" with sex. Just go to any typical middle school or high school and listen to some of them talk. They don't think they're addicted because it's socially acceptable to have sexual feelings for women. Like you, I used to think that maybe I would someday, somehow (I don't know how) lose control and hurt a boy. But now I realize that I'm just like a straight man. I have feelings for boys but I won't abuse them, just like straight men have feelings for women but won't lose control and abuse them. Maybe at some point in our lives we felt the need to keep taking our sexual desires one step further, and now here we are? I'm not sure how true it is of me. I can remember being sexually attracted to boys my age when I was in pre-school. I never seemed to grow out of being attracted to young boys. I don't know what you mean by "taking our sexual desires one step further." My attraction to boys arose without me doing anything. In fact, I didn't even realize I was exclusively attracted to boys until I was 25. One generally does not "grow out" of one's sexual orientation. I think your development into a BL says a lot about the rest of us and how we got to where we are. Consider that you may have accepted and internalized much of society's misunderstanding and assumptions. They are based on fear and lack of knowledge, rather than on careful study of pedophilia or hebephilia. In fact, the few careful studies of BL (based on non-clinical and non-criminal samples) show no psychopathology or unusual personality traits (other than slightly more introversion, similar to other sexual minorities). See "Pedophilia: Biosocial Dimensions" edited by J. Feierman (considered the authoritative book on the subject, with contributions by several researchers in different fields) or "The Childlovers: Paedophiles in Society" by Wilson and Cox. Unfortunately, few people are aware of these books. I really don't think homosexuality or BL is any more "addictive" or "uncontrollable" than "normal" heterosexuality. Yes, some people are addicted, but they come in all orientations: straight, gay, bisexual, BLer, and anything else. I often wonder if I could quit cold-turkey (stop thinking about boys, visiting Internet sites, watching kids television/movies) that I would somehow be "cured" of this lustful side of BL. I don't think it would be possible (or helpful) for straight men to stop thinking about women and be "cured" of their heterosexuality, nor would it be possible for us to stop thinking about boys. I still think BL has its good side -- just look at the positive impact that so many of us have on boys' lives without letting our flesh interfere. I agree! Mark |
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