Re: What makes me tick
Submitted by tigris on February 4 2002 22:45:18
In reply to What makes me tick submitted by Ben on February 2 2002 07:33:03
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Hey Ben. Yeah, I can relate to what you're saying. This sounds a lot like me. My only real motivation lately seems to be with kids. I can be much more excited if there are kids around. I am a different person around them. I have wondered and thought about this a lot too. How much of this is a God-given passion, and how much of it is me obsessing? God equips all of us for his service. My area of service seems to be working with kids, boys especially. But it has been said that with every gift comes a curse. My giftedness leads to obsessing and unhealthy thoughts and attachments. It's all about balance. You know what's ironic? Some of the times when I am the most fulfilled are when I do something fun that has nothing to do with kids. It's like I have proven to myself that I can do something apart from the BL side of me. Do you ever have those times? Your post actually makes it seem as though you don't ever have those opportunities. I would encourage you to do something unrelated to BL and see how you like it. Of course, as I sit here in front of my computer screen, it's easy for me to dispense advice as if it's the easiest thing in the world to actually get away from boys. I know that it's not all that easy. It does sound as though your life is out of balance, from what you are posting. And from my experiences, I can see why you would feel the way that you do about it. When I get too caught up in my BL world, I sometimes take a step back and think "what on earth am I doing? I am building my world and identity around this boy!" I recently have stopped praying that God would take away these desires. I now pray more frequently that he would help me not to obsess about boys. I ask him to help me keep things in proper balance. It's been amazing the way that God has worked in my life recently too. Last week, I got really caught up in Kenny's life again, and I had to go back to God and ask him to help me to stop obsessing. I know that I simply cannot stop obsessing and thinking and worrying about him on my own. But God really does answer me when I ask him to. He takes away the obsession. A verse that I pray to God frequently is from Psalm 51 (I think). It simply says "make me willing to obey you." Not only do we need help to obey him, but we need help being willing to obey him. Pretty cool to actually realize that, huh? I felt guilt for so long because I didn't even want to obey him in some areas. But here is David, a man after God's own heart, asking God to help him become willing to obey him. I really like that. Anyway, I feel that I'm just rambling on and on. I'm not sure if this is helpful to you or not. I have not arrived where I would like to be, but I am learning a lot in the journey. I just thought I would share some of my experiences, from one traveler to another. (If I can use your line) You are not alone, Ben. I'm right there with you. tigris |
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