Don't you ever get tired of knowing that . . .
Submitted by tigris on February 8 2002 21:18:29
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Don't you ever get tired of knowing that the very thing that you desire more than anything else is something that you really can't have? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that even when you are with the person you really love being with, in their mind, you are just another friend? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that the one thing that you can't have is enough to cause your emotions to go into a downward spiral and send you into the depths of depression? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that while your friends are getting married and having kids, you can't get past your desires for the ten year old boy next to you? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that a future filled with loneliness awaits you? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that in a couple of years, the boy that you love more than anything is going to grow up and you probably won't be attracted to them any more? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that society tends to be suspicious of people like us? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that we can't ever act on our desires? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that if you did act on your desires, you would end up in jail and really mess up a kid's life? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that what makes you happy can also cause tremendous guilt and shame and emptiness at the same time? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that if not kept in balance, this can take over your thought life and also the rest of your life? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that you have desires that you really don't know how you got, and you're constantly wondering what to do with them? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that the thing that seems to define a large part of who you are is the one thing that you can't share with your friends? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that as much as you may deny it, much of what you do is really determined by where the boys are going to be? Don't you ever get tired of knowing that you have the rest of your life to be tired of this? I sure do. tigris |
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