Christian Boylove Forum

Letting Go...


Submitted by J on February 13 2002 06:24:48
In reply to Re: The Mirror of Erised submitted by Dakota on February 11 2002 14:55:04

Dear Dakota,

Thank you for all your words of encouragement, it all makes sense, even though I'm in a state right now where I'm having a tough time believing it all. The 'thorn in the flesh' passage (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) is one of my favorites as well, though sometimes it's really hard not to get really angry at God (like I am right now) about everything.

I started a thread that went pretty much nowhere some time ago on the whole issue of celibacy. I just don't understand how God can be so self-contradictory and cruel - He creates man and declares that it is not good for him to be alone (cf. Genesis 2:18), then turns around and says, "Sorry, J, your lot in life is to be without an intimate companion, this is my good and perfect will, but you get eternal life as a consolation prize..." Wait a minute, most Christians get both - man, what a good deal for them! Fuck, am I ever jealous!

I mean it would be fine if I chose celibacy for myself, like Paul, and was able to live with it, instead of kicking and screaming because it's been forced on me. Forget the sex, what I wouldn't give for a simple embrace! Fists clenched, holding on - that certainly describes me right now. Letting go? Maybe one day... Can God help me live a relatively happy life alone - I believe He can, though at present I must exclaim: "I believe! Help my unbelief!"

Love in the Lord,
J


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