I tried that.
Submitted by Nate on March 25 2002 22:04:45
In reply to my long response-- grab some coffee and sit a spel submitted by sally on March 24 2002 22:50:08
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Why can't you come to my church and say, "I struggle with this sin will you help me by keeping me accountable, " so I could say, "Oh sure, I don't have trouble with that sin but I have trouble with a different sin." I spent three years building trusting relationships with what I thought were some of the most mature Christians around before I confessed that I was sexually attracted to boys. Their first response was to require me to cut off all contact with the boy(s) that I found tempting. I agreed because I thought that I could depend on their emotional support. Instead, I found that all of my friends from church began to back away. They stopped calling me and stopped greeting me in church. When I went forward for prayer, the pastor would somehow "miss" me in the line-up and avoided praying for me. Wherever I went in this "friendly" small town, I was met with cold insincerity. A network of "Watchers" was recruited to report my activities to the pastors. I was left alone. Isolated, humiliated, condemned. For five years.... Can you imagine, Sally, what happens to somebody who is struggling with sexual sin when you leave them completely alone with their sin? I doubt you can, really. As hard as I prayed - mostly for forgiveness, because I knew anger would only make it worse. As hard as I prayed, I was losing ground. Being prevented from having healthy relationships only fueled a lust for ANY kind of relationship. Though I have never been one to even fantasize about using force with others, I was beginning to scare myself with some of the fantasies I was having. I was becoming the monster! - thanks to the "ministry" of the church! I ran across this site once when I was on one of my binges - scouring the Internet for pictures of naked boys. I didn't even look at it because I was afraid of finding a bunch of others who would only encourage me in my sin. It was about a year before I yeilded to God's leading me back here. What I found was the accountability that I had been needing all along. I found out that I am not alone, I am not "lost" in my sin, I am not beyond God's grace. The people on this site gave me hope when I needed it most. I am enjoying your questions. I think hearing your perspective is good for us. Nate |
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