Re: The nature of the 'gift of celibacy'
Submitted by Thunderchild on April 5 2002 06:11:53
In reply to Re: The nature of the 'gift of celibacy' submitted by sally on April 4 2002 20:57:23
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Hi Sally. But I think it would be inappropriate for us to start a support group for cream cake lovers who were born with this pastry love and could not change it no matter what. But there's a slight problem here. I am here to get help to not repeat the sins that got me into jail some years ago. I can't do this on my own, and sometimes I don't trust Jesus enough to get me through the rough times, or I've caused a divide between us or something. I've struggled for long enough on my own without the support of others. Having people who have truly been there, who truly know what it can be like, and who have come out unscathed where I have been burned is a massive blessing. If I can find the wisdom and strength to surive a dangerous situation through their experience, why should I be denied that? And it would be inappropriate to talk about cream cake for hours on end and to refuse to eat vegetables because we are simply not attracted to vegetables-- we are born cream cake lovers and we cannot whip up a desire to eat the veggies-- or maybe some of us are attracted to veggies but not as attracted to them as to the cream puffs so we would be wrong to eat the veggies since they are second best. Whip up a desire? I'll make a deal with you - you "whip up a desire" to be strongly sexually attracted to young girls (or boys, or old women - whatever is most against your nature and hardest for you to do), and the moment I believe you have done that, I will drop all my sexual desires that are sinful. I think we'd have about the same amount of luck. You won't be able to desire people against your nature, and I won't be able to desire people against my nature. Only the Lord can do that. Anyway, we all know that Christ also loved cream cakes and it is not evil to love cream cakes and to refuse veggies I do not refuse to be as attracted to anyone else as I am to boys. It's not something I can control. If I could, do you think I would control myself so that I was one of the most despised people in the world, or I would control myself so that I was what was considered "normal". If I could choose to be straight, I would not know this board existed. I would have become straight when I was 14 (a very long time ago!) I cannot stop my desires for boys, I can't stop the thoughts from occuring. But I can learn how to deal with them in a way that Jesus likes - that is what I am here for. Thirdly no one answered my question about what you all do when you are out with your boys? Do you share the bathroom? Share the bathroom - NO! (at least, not if it can be avoided - and I will do anything to avoid it, find another bathroom, wait till they're finished, use a stall (if it's a public bathroom). I have shared seats with them, and had some physical closeness that met needs for intimacy (but not sexual needs!). I've even on occaision shared a bed for a short while - lain down beside one and talked with him. Have always had bedclothes as well as my clothes (always fully dressed) keeping us seperate in these cases. On a couple of occaisions one has hopped into bed with me, but that has been while I was sleeping and he was gently sent away when I realised he was there. When I am with a boy, we normally play games on the computers, or watch TV, or go out somewhere (I often introduce them to friends of mine who I am out to, especially if I am at a time where I am at highest risk of trying to seduce them). Nigel and I often play billiards at a friends house, or go out for a ride on one of my motorbikes. Generally, I tend to keep things busy, avoiding to much 1-1 time. To just dump them, to decide not to see them again, causes both of us harm - him because he gets rejected by a friend (and often the boys are loaners) and me because I loose a friend, and there's the problem of "exotic becomes erotic". I have less intense feelings towards boys most of the time when I have boys in my life, and more intense when I don't. But if it was simply a choice to be otherwise, well then consider me straight and only attracted to my wife (which I don't have), because I chose that a very long time ago. Now, if that makes sense - feel free to blast holes in it :-) God bless you sister :-) Thunderchild |
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