Re: My dear brother,
Submitted by Ben on 2002-06-19 18:29:04, Wednesday
In reply to My dear brother, submitted by Huck Finn on 2002-06-18 23:22:48, Tuesday
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Huck, Thanks for your compassion and your words. I know that I am not acting on my desires in any way that the boys would know. All they see is someone who likes to hang out with them. I deal with the sexual release 'privately'. But I feel that this is not right...that this is idolatry. Still, I am willing to accept this weakness if I can otherwise live a normal life. But the bottom line is that I can't. I can't possibly focus on a woman and feel drawn to her the way that I do a twelve year old boy. They are too cute, too beautiful, too sexy in comparison. And all of this feels right and good when I am with them. Until reality strikes, and I find myself around the dinner table with siblings, and parents and all of everyone else's children. And I feel like a loser...an outsider. Here I am pushing 35 and I am as alone as ever. I don't know why my image to others seems so important to me, but I just can't seem to get past what I THOUGHT I might be. Anyway, I appreciate your prayers and I did read every word :-))) You are not alone. Ben |
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