Re: So, what happens when you fall in love?
Submitted by Ben on 2002-06-29 07:52:41, Saturday
In reply to So, what happens when you fall in love? submitted by Huck Finn on 2002-06-22 13:36:41, Saturday
|
Hiya Huck, I could post a VERY long response to that question....but I wont~! In my mid to late teenage years, pretty much all that I did in my life was to fall in love with boys. There was one boy in middle school...really my first true love. He was in sixth grade and I was in eighth. He was the best athlete in his grade, a lithe and slender blonde who always wore pants that were just too small for him. But he was one of those kids who had no fat on him, so he could get away with it. We belonged to the same ski club too, so we would be together on the ski bus for about six hours every Saturday. I mostly played cool so that he would think I was cool. I remember a time when I was changing after gym and I saw him come in. I realized that he had gym the next period and was a bit early. So, I knew that if I was a little late for my next class, I could talk with him while he changed. And this happened, as my heart pounded so hard in my chest I could barely hear. He didn't take his underwear off....we were all too bashful to shower in my school, but I did see him in his undies and once he was all changed, I rushed into the bathroom stall to masterbate. I wrote HUNDREDS of pages of stories about he and I together. They weren't sexual stories. I just wanted to be with him, to hang out with him, to be as cool as he was. But I would fantasize about him every night, just seeing the image of him standing there in his underwear. Over the years I fell in love with two more boys (at different times!). One I met at the pool club that we belonged to. For TWO YEARS after that summer, I spent most of my free time driving by his house or his school (geez, can you believe this?) hoping to get a glimpse of him. And I never did! Yet, I was desperate to see him again. Finally, one day, I mustered up the courage to knock on his front door.....just thought I'd drop by to say hi. Wow, he was 12.5 now and more beautiful than ever. He had broken his leg apparently and was hobbling around in his underwear on crutches. He was so beautiful....a blonde bowl cut around his face and a smile that would stop traffic. And on it went with me, being obsessed and falling in love with boys. I just wanted to be around them, to see them again, to wrestle and swim and have fun together. Somewhere in that mix, I learned to take my camera along. It was a way to 'capturing the moment', of holding on to their beauty long after they were off doing other things. So, I became a bit of a voyeur, in the sense that I was always taking pictures. Today, I don't go ANYWHERE without my camera. Because I never really had a desire to see boys naked, I have never taken a picture that was in any way erotic or even nude. Nothing that you wouldn't find in a family album. In fact my favorite type of picture is facial profiles. But as time went on, my pictures took the place of the love, because I could hold them forever and not get my heart broken. My last love is a very long story, so I'll save it for some time. Love hurt me very deeply. I vowed that I would not fall in love anymore, but a few times have come again since my teen years when I have fallen in love. True to boylove, those times have been wonderful but they have hurt me again. No matter how much you love a boy, the relationship will change as he gets older. You will still care, still enjoy him, still help him any way that you can, but you will never feel the same magic that you feel when you first fall in love with him. Still, some people say, that it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never lost at all. You are not alone. Love, Ben |
Follow ups: