How do I stop the madness in my head?
Submitted by JackWade on 2002-07-1 02:19:10, Monday
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Hi, I have been here for a while. I posted some in the past when I was new and for the most part can relate to mostly everyone here. especially The person who calls himself "Innosence is bliss." BTW, Can I E-mail you Innocence? I can totally relate to you and would like to get to know you for I believe you are the first to put it into writing how I feel. Right to a capital T!! Anyway to get on with my post. I can't get this infatuation, Obsession, whatever it is you call it out of my head. I have a particular young friend that I can't get outa my head. He is just turned 12. He is short brown hair and Blue eyes that just melt my Heart. I will, for the sake of this post, call him, "J." J lives in a family where his parents Drink alcohol daily. J even says from his own mouth that his mother puts her beer before him. He lives in a place that his parents refer to as a "Camp." there is no running water. They use a Porta poty for a toilet. The whole family takes a bath maybe once a week if they're lucky. J is so into his life habits that when he comes to stay the night at my place, he doesn't want to take a shower or do what "Normal" kids his age do. He's so great at manipulating his enviroment and getting his way. J wants to do what J wants, when J wants, and if J can't have or do what J wants when J wants, then I have a total shutdown from him. I get the cold shoulder. He will not talk, or give any clue that he understands what I'm saying. This Behavior is his mechanism for getting his way. He will play this game forever. There is no end. He will shutdown on you when he is forced to deal with a problem he don't want to deal with. One thing you can do is drop it (Which is what he wants) and after a while he'll start being social again. Now, I try to teach him certain things. However, if J don't want to hear it, then J purposely will not hear it. It's not like I'm breathing down his neck?! lol For example... J helps dirty my dishes, I would like to have help cleaning my dishes. J says, "I DON'T DO DISHES. PERIOD." I talked to his mother about what he said to me. She said that he was lying. He does dishes at her house. Okay. J lives in a drunks trashy house where dishes get done maybe once or twice a month! No Lie! So I deduced shes lying and J is telling the truth. IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO ASK HELP ON THIS?? I can't play 100% of time he is with me. He tries to manipulate me by saying he's bored and I never like to do things. This words break my heart. The Dishes thing is just one of many issues. I can't get through to J. He's stuck. I love him with all my heart. Only God knows how much I love this young dude. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. You and I adults alike know we can't do everything fun without doing the stuff we'd rather not. But it's necessary. How do you teach a young 12yr adolescent this when his parents don't do it themselves? They're too busy drinking?! lol I don't give him a hard time! Infact I beleive I give into him most of the time. I think that's why he does with me what he does. I don't worrie so much about why he don't want to tak about certain things. I feel like J will talk to me when he's comfortable and ready to talk about it. The madness in my head is I can't stop thinking and feeling for this young man. I think about him day and night and feel so bad that he has to live like he does and and can't have a real childhood without the drinking. I want him to have good clothes and running water and parents that will put their foot down when appropriate and not over stupid S@*T things. All in all I'm obsessed with this boy and can't get him out of my head. What can I do to ease the madness lurking within? I love him. He loves me. I keep reminding myself of that no matter what he says to hurt me for the heat of the moment. What do you think? I can talk about this for a week and still have plenty to say. The list goes on with him. I just don't know where to start "Fixing" him. I have plenty of other diferent things to say about him. Starting to ramble on... Sorry. Talk to me people. I have sexual attrations toward boys also but I also need help in other areas in our relationship. Thanks for letting me vent. JackWade Ps. I do Behavioral Work with children if you haven't picked that up yet. I don't work with J but is just a kid I've known for a long time since he was 7yr old. |
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