For Chris -- others may read also

Many of us have at least one thing we hold secret from others that would probably surprise our closest friends and family if they found out. The neighbors of serial killers constantly say, "He was such a normal person. I would never think he would do such a thing." Not to say that we have all the same tendencies of serial killers, but I believe most people have some kind of secret sin (a "thorn" in one's side) that they don't share with anyone. Addiction to pornography would be one of them. We know that once we admit it, the problem doesn't go away. We battle it over and over and over again. We go to God in prayer, tearfully repenting of what we've done and asking for His forgiveness. And then, perhaps the very same day, we go back to our old sin. It becomes a habit. It becomes a part of us. We are possessed by it. It is not easy to resist. Perhaps we go through times where we feel strong and close to the Lord, and we are able to overcome this "thing" for several weeks. But then after awhile we go back to the same old, same old. Then we feel defeated. We've failed... ourselves, our family... God! We desperately seek some way to break this habit, to get away from this sin. We'll almost do anything to make this addiction go away. So... after years of trying in vain to cure this sickness by ourselves, we seek outside help. For fear of them rejecting us immediately as some kind of sick pervert who should be locked away from society, we hold back and don't tell them everything. Maybe we tell them some history about ourselves, some experiences we've had, and maybe we talk about our secret addiction in vague terms, hoping that the advice they give will also apply to the specific problem we haven't told them about. In the meantime, we are also seeking God in prayer with the hope that He will see us through. But human as we are, we still fall... get up, and fall down again. Somehow, someway, we know there must be a way to beat this addiction. We continue to confide in some people, hoping that we'll find some encourgement in some of the things they say. Though we haven't told them all, we are finding some strength in the replies to the things we have told them about ourselves. Maybe if we tell them more we'll find even more help, encouragement, and hope? So we share a little more about ourselves. Maybe someone will know exactly what we're talking about and have the answer that brings us to total recovery? But, oops, we said too much... too much for them to handle. They can't comprehend. They misunderstand. They don't know how to deal with the truths we reveal about ourselves. They think there's no hope for us or that we really don't want help -- if we did, we would've done something by now to stop this problem... we wouldn't have hid it from them this long. They think we only came to them because we were asked to seek help and that we really didn't want help. They misjudge our heart (which only God can see), and unlovingly turn their backs on us, leaving us without any help... to die in our sin. And then you feel a small touch; you hear a quiet whisper... the Holy Spirit is with you to see you through. No matter what other people may think or do, the Holy Spirit believes in you; though, we must realize that there is nothing in and of ourselves that can win this battle. There is nothing that anyone else can do for us that will help us beat this addiction. The power is in God alone, and it is at this point that if we really want help, and we really are repentant, and we really want to start anew, leaving our sin, bad habits, worldly oppressions and addictions far behind us... it's at this point that we MUST allow the Holy Spirit to live through us. He is right there waiting. We have to give up living life on our own. We must allow the Holy Spirit to live through us. When we feel the temptation to go back into sin, we need to say, "God, I can't handle this. Here... you take it. I need you to deal with it." Just let Him take over... fill you... live in you... live through you. It is an awesome feeling... incredible! The Holy Spirit will do the work in and through you. Chris, my prayers are with you. A good book to read is The New Covenant by David Wilkerson. It talks all about this. If you can't find it, I'll send you excerpts. Peace and Love!!