My suggestion fight your flesh and stop giving El the money. Explain to him that you feel that you are being used just for your money. If, he really loves you he will continue to see you and spend time with you without any money involved. If he is there just for the money he will not be around long after it stops. I know that this will be hard for you and I know you just got out of a bad situation, but you must overcome the hold that El has over you. We both know that hold is your flesh and love of boys. Also the longer you wait and become more attached to him not only will it be harder on you, but you are constantly giving him ammo to use against you. i.e. the massage that caused his sexual reaction the kissing that you have offered. To you and some posters on this board it may seem innocent, but to an average adult it will seem strange. Love in Christ, drew |