Thoughts on Elekid + Pichu
Submitted by Halo on 2002-10-30 05:21:04, Wednesday
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Didn't have much to post about, but what Dakota & Drifter (forgive me if I get the repliers names wrong), are right judging by last night. Well in Elekid's case definately. Emotional abuse or emotional blackmail? Even Ginger never went this far during our 5 years together & having just ended that torment, am I hurting so badly inside that I accept the first boy (if you can call him that), into my life cause he offers affection? Yesterday, I withdrew a total of $120 from my account during 3 withdraws, it was split up as follows: $15.00 to El for a pay-as-you-go cellphone top-up (something I don't mind cause we can talk to each other on the phone now), $45.00 went on machines together, I saved about $1.50 before I went to work. During my break in which I deliberately leave the cash at my room, he came back to my place for a coke, then ends up crawling all over me again, asking me to LOAN him $30.00, eventually I agree (why???). I also ask him embarressed if he would let me kiss him (paternally), while I cuddle him, as this is something I sometimes do with my younger ones. To my surprise he said he didn't mind. (But would prefer it to be in private.) (Of course he doesn't mind, cause he seems willing to do anything, to get more money out of me.) This is where this is going, he seems to only want me for my money, but how do I break away from it. At the cashpoint, he ACCIDENTALLY/DELIBERATELY hit the $60.00 key instead of $30.00 as agreed, then went on to say "Can I have $45.00 & you have $15.00". I tried to refuse saying I would hold it until the morning, but he insisted that he wanted to treat his two yf's (he met two 8yo's earlier during soccor & brought them in when he came to see me at work, they left, agreeing to meet him later). Of course the money wasn't going to them, but what can I do. Whilst refusing he also said "If you don't I'll tell my brother what you said to me?" (The kissing thing.) (Not that Pichu won't find out soon anyway.) With everything I'm going through it's not easy to break away. The money fills a temporary void in his life & when the money runs out he's empty again. He needs GOD in his life, but I cannot even sit down with him for 5 mins to talk to him sensibly or distract him enough so he has my undivided attention. Pichu on the other hand is different, as I mentioned in a previous post, this kid does listen to me & I have the chance to make a real difference in his life. The Lord answered a prayer directed towards him, when I prayed that Pichu could pop-in so I could get his cell-phone number (without going through a suspisious El). He did come in, when I wasn't expecting him & we exchanged numbers. I have side issues with Pichu, I want to talk to him about the incident at his work on Saturday. Someone did reduce him to tears, shouting at him for not keeping up with the workload. Everyone has good things to say about Pichu so far at his work & the guy who made him cry apparently is an a-hole. Pichu hasn't spoken to me or El about the incident, but I feel that its a good place to start work in his life. Unlike El, he would spend time with me, just talking, listening & discussing problems, like the other day, so I feel that this will help him open up to me & I may have to risk letting him know what his brother is doing to me. Hoping that they're not in this together, which I think is unlikely. I will try to phone or text him later to meet him privately he doesn't start work till late & I could give El the slip, if required. I pray constantly about El & Pichu, waiting for God to answer & bring the financial craving to an end. I am also reading through JOB during my morning Bible readings & I feel that what is happening now, is also a test to make my faith stronger. I wrote out the chapter on "The Whole Armour of God" from Ephisians (poor spelling) along with a drawing of a suit of armour & put it on my wall (I think El read it yesterday, so he or the thing within him, knows what he's up against.) (Will explain in a minute that sentence.) I finished the book "Satan on the Loose" by Nicky Cruz yesterday, in which he also mentioned Job's story & noted that "Satan has to obtain permission from God to test us, but he cannot touch our souls. The testing we endure is so that our faith may be strengthened." He says. So I do know that God is in control of what is happening with El & Pichu at the moment. The sentence above where I mentioned "the thing within him" is there in case I am dealing with some form of spiritual possession or entrapment, due to his gambling problem. I know how it works as well. The tempter will offer him promises of "Jackpots" from various machines if he keeps pumping money into them. It also knows my weaknesses & uses El to obtain more cash to feed the craving. It blinds him however to the fact that he can never really win on these machines. He pumped $65.00 that he won the other day, back into the machines & goodness knows what he did with the $45.00 last night. He cannot possibly win this game! The only one who can break the hold is The Lord Jesus, but I don't know how to bring him to God, except through prayer for his deliverance. Eve would be able to deliver him through God very quickly I feel. But maybe The Lord is saying that the power I need from him to do this is already inside me & I just need to ask him to help me use it! Tomorrow is Halloween, the darkest day, the occult's biggest celebration & I fear the day of the toughest battle yet with El. Better put that suit of armour on again quickly. Halo |
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