Re: Martyrdom
Submitted by Oliver on 2002-11-5 20:35:58, Tuesday
In reply to Martyrdom submitted by Nate on 2002-11-5 15:10:22, Tuesday
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Nate, I certainly understand your predicament and what you have gone through. I discovered BL through a set of similar circumstances but different still. I was a youth pastor and Id been a sponsor and even volunteer coordinator of a small moderately sized town church. I held this volunteer position for 2 years. After I was hired to take a paying position at another church, it didn't take long for things to deteriorate. However, this wasn't due to BL. Many in the youth group felt I was very rigid in my preaching of the Gospel. I didn't intend on watering it down for thier convenience. Also there was concern with how I related to the youth. After a while, things had gone worse and I was asked to leave. Shortly after that, my good friend (female) of three years tells me she's tired of college and with only one year left, she decided to move back home and break up with me. We weren't serious, but it left a sour taste to me for her to up and leave without much of a goodbye. Then a very close and personal YF of mine passed away at 16 from CF. I'd lost it all, and I was depressed. I seached the internet and discovered BL. It has been 5 years, like you since, and I now work with children in other aspects. I moved back to my hometown, and got involved again with the church of my youth. However, the temptation of lewd internet imagry is still a big concern for me. This is a larger church and I'm come to know they have a deep spiritual maturity. I realize the risk of what I am doing; I still have this place, other ways to be involved, and I trust these people more than those I served in the small town. If I find that trust has been misplaced, I'm not out of options, I still have places I can go and things to do. I think the best thing is that youth and kids not be the only resource of ministry for me. That would be devistating to lose the one driving force of my life. I can also say that I've never been intimate with a boy, so the separation issue with a special someone is not as strong as it once was. I've lost a loved one before, and I know how that feels. I had another interesting experience this weekend that I think God gave me to show what was about to happen. At the retreat center, there is this pole you climb up, similar to a telephone pole. You then stand on this platform, just big enough to stand on and have to jump 7 feet and catch this trapeese bar suspended from a tree. I climbed up the pole and looked down. I wanted to back out, but the rope was such that it was pulled to as I climbed from the person on the ground. There wasn't enough slack for me to back down. I HAD to press onward. It took a while to get to the top and to stand myself up. I small talked with the guy below even though I was scared to death. I finally jumped; I missed the bar, but I was fine. NOt long after a youth who I have come to really admire thought it would be cool to do the same thing. He had the same experience I did and I encouraged him to go all the way, like me. He did and I embraced him at the bottom. I think this experiecne was an analogy to what I will experiece soon. I'm half way up the ladder and there really is no way to turn back. I also think that there will be someone else for me to help after it's all said and done with. Thank you for sharing your testimony with me. I will be praying for you too. I think these expereinces make us all the wiser and able to better relate to others. Nothing is more devistating than having your family of faith turn on you. It took only a week for people to cheer Christ into his hometown with palm branches to mocking crucify and killing him. HE knows our struggles and I take comfort in that. Thanks again, Oliver |
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