Re: Scenes from childhood
Submitted by Oliver on 2002-11-10 00:35:05, Sunday
In reply to Scenes from childhood submitted by Jules on 2002-11-8 12:51:56, Friday
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I've never had sex with another. What happened more than anything was that I was asked to leave full time ministry, had lost my girl friend of 3 years, and my YF all in one month. Satan tempted me by showing me this eye candy on the internet as a means to deal with my pain. I may as well have started a drug habit because it made me feel good and it was very addicting. Prior to that, I remember being attracted to girls as an adolecent, but having a fascination with men being shirtless. I was very shy and yet many of my friends weren't. I grew out of my modesty, and I still think there's nothing wrong with being shirtless. Proverbs 20:29 does say "The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old." I think Satan used this admiration I had of the beauty God made and shared in as a tempting ruse into lust when I was vulnerable. My goal is to restore what I had before, an admiration, not a lust for God's creation of man. Have you always liked boys from as young as you can remember? or, How young is your earlist memory of being attracted to a boy? I enjoyed working with kids. I favored boys because I could relate to them better. After lust came into the picture, I question what I enjoyed more, seeing them shirtless or seeing them grow successfully. I'd like to think the latter. My earliest memory of being attracted, I guess was my best friend in highschool. It was a time in my life when I needed stability of family, which his family was very stable and mine was not. I just bonded with him but, thankfully, never acted sexually on that bond. Do you have any particular boylove moments in your childhood that you look back on with pleasure or longing? Are there moments that you regret?Do you still live the emotions of any of those times? None I regret. I look at my pictures of the kids I've had contant with and smile. God has worked mistakes into mericles in every case. Were your childhood sexual desires generally fulfilled, or frustrated? childhood sexual desires, well, I have no memory of being frustrated, except the oddities of going through puberty. Do you think your sexuality would have turned out different if you'd had different friends, or if different things had happened to you? If I knew then what I know now, yes. But, God plans every step, and so I can only say that growing up has been in the best accordance with what He knows will come in the future. There may be a time when I will help someone else who is struggling as I am, perhaps even a boy. If you were brought up in a Christian family, did the prevailing attidute towards homosexuality have any effect on your development, positive or negative? Neither, it was never disucussed and so I assumed the belief of my church and society at large. I was ignorant to being classified as a deviant. Do you think there is anything that could happen to you now as an adult that could change your sexuality? I am currently in that process, we shall see. Changing my sexuality is not my intent, however, purging the sinful and lustful desires is. No, I won't be able to completely, but at least I'll have a battle plan if they come back and attack me. Blessings, Oliver |
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