The Second Chris
Submitted by Ben on March 01 1999 at 07:56:37
In reply to Two Chrises Submitted by Mark on February 28 1999 at 20:08:59
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Mark - I am really pleased to see what you have been involved in. I've worked alot with kids the same age as the second Chris, so I thought that I would comment more on that one. Kids that age, and many boys in general have learned to put up a neat little wall to people (I know...I was the same way :-). The wall is created for a variety of reasons. Most often, it comes up because they have been hurt so many times before by people who tried to get close to them (parents, step-parents, mom's boyfriend, etc.) that they learn to trust nobody and they close their "emotional doors". Another factor is not wanting to let down their "cool side", especially at an age like 12. What is very deceptive about some 12 year olds is that they can look like a 10 or 11 year old, but inside, a 12 year old is very often an adolescent. Even though they would fit perfectly in the world of GI Joe and Smurfs, their mind is starting to grow up and they want to be as "cool" as they can be. Chris's apparent coolness towards the world would explain why he was playing by himself. A more open child would look at him and maybe think that he was either mean, or that he (Chris) didn't like the other child. You are having the same questions! The truth is, that kids like that need love and attention more than any others. The key is to show an interest in them, to spend time with them but not to push them. You did all of the right things. But now Chris is testing to see if you will come back anyway, even though he didn't exactly throw his arms around you. If you don't then he'll get what he expects from most adults, another passerby. If you come back though, and even say something like "I thought we'd have a ping pong rematch", or "This time I'm not going to let you beat me like that", or "You seemed pretty cool." (whatever fits the situation best for you), he'll be surprised. He might even continue to be cool or even cold for a while. Cause he is testing to see if you REALLY care. At some point, Chris is going to REALLY need an adult friend. He'll discover adolescent feelings that he wants to talk about, he'll get in a fight, he'll argue with his parents...who knows. He'll want an adult who he can trust, and at that point he'll open the door a crack. I hope I'm not being too presumptuous, Mark, but I've been where you are hundreds of times. I've also pulled quite a few kids out of a ditch, so to speak. WE are here for a purpose on this earth. Learning how to serve that purpose is the most important thing (other than learning to follow God) that we can do. You are not alone. Ben |