My thoughts
Submitted by F.O.D. on March 14 1999 at 13:46:08
In reply to help... Submitted by Scott on March 12 1999 at 19:53:03
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Hi Scott, I've got the feeling you know the answer yourself ;) specially since you mentioned in your reply to Chris that you've agreed together with the girl to put off the physical side while you work out this question. Me, I agree with you that premarital sex is out of place. Everything the Bible says about sex, both the positive ("the two shall become one flesh") and the negative ("flee from sexual immorality"), tells me that sex is the communication of a love which says "I love you today, and I'll love you tomorrow too". ie in the committed relationship that you mentioned. In my opinion, marriage is a covenant between two people. That is, they make the covenant themselves between themselves, no third party is involved, so to speak. They simply inform society of their decision. So in this since, I can accept a marital union made without a formal wedding or any legal documents. I think in ancient times they had no registration offices for declaring your marriage official before the government! That being said, if you are ready to consider yourselves as husband and wife, then why ever would you not want to declare that before society and church? I think for society's sake marriage is important. The formal registration of a marriage is, I consider, a public declaration of who you are together, and the wedding is a joyful celebration of your covenant together. Why would you not want to have that? So, I think I would say that if you are not yet prepared to look society in the eye and say "this is my wife", then that says to me that you haven't reached the point yet where you can express through sex a life-long committed love. The short answer is: why haven't you proposed to her yet??? ;) Sorry if that wasn't a terribly helpful thought. In my opinion having the mentor isn't a bad idea, though I can understand why you feel uncomfortable about it. It'd be like having a finger pointed at you the whole time. But in my opinion if you can get beyond that, it could be beneficial in a whole lot of ways. Ultimately, we all want to be someone's Young Friend, want someone who will take individual interest in our progress and life. You'd just have to be sure to challenge him to look further than your behaviour with your lady-friend and learn to appreciate the whole of you ;) I've been wishing for years there was an older man who could help me to get deeper in my Christian faith. Not many men are up to the challenge, unfortunately. The crisis of leadership in the church... About the consequences of your present situation on your relationship with boys, well, it's probably facetious of me to say this might be a good period of time to practice in all areas of your sexuality. Anyway, when Paul said it's good to get married if you can't control yourself, I suppose, he didn't necessarily that that lack of control would solely be directed at the one you would marry... So be thankful! You got at least two things here on your side that others of us can only wish for - a girl you love, which eases the difficulties associated with boylove, and the offer of a personal teacher to help you grow further. Don't miss the chance! Good luck working it all out, and God bless! I hope the camp works out well in the end. F.O.D. |