or not Gay?
Submitted by F.O.D. on March 20 1999 at 18:16:49
In reply to Gay or not? Submitted by Nash on March 20 1999 at 16:41:26
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Hi Nash, I was really glad to hear your post below how God has touched your life and you're not going to let the negative behaviour of people around you bring you down more. Great news! These are some serious questions you're bringing up here. For me, in a way I've had the opposite thought, that if only I could have a sexual experience with an adolescent, then I could get these feelings out of my system and move on in adult life. As if to say, I could finally get the adolescent sexual experience I wanted but never had as an adolescent. It probably wouldn't help though, there's plenty of boylovers who had these adolescent experiences and are still boylovers. Similarly in your case, I doubt finding an adult lover would make you feelings for boys go away, but I suppose they would help you overcome the sexual tension you experience towards boys (I see here shades of Paul's telling people to marry so they don't burn with passion...). Nash, maybe it could be helpful for you to think about what sex means for you. What do you really want from it? The bible tells us in a lot of places (eg Ephesians 5:3) to flee from sexual immorality, so how does that fit in? You already mentioned not having sex with boys, that's part of it. You seemed to be saying you just want to try out sex to see if it works for you. Well be assured it will, you know! But will it be helpful? With sex comes a whole wad of emotional ties (the ties that keep two people together), and I concerned they can tear you apart if you treat it casually. And if it's sex without the emotional ties, then it's kinda like you're just being used and using someone. That's how I see it anyway (sorry, I sound like I'm preaching :-* ) If you try having sex this once, will you get so addicted to it that it'll whip you away from your relationship to God? Will it be helpful for advancing in a loving frienship with that other person? Nash, I share the same desire to have someone to share sex with. But I want to be doing it the good way. Don't forget, you can develop a mutually loving relationship without the sex. The relationship should come first. If you start with sex, you'll never get beyond sex, and there's so much more than sex in the kind of mutual love you really need. Nash, when people talk about the "gay lifestyle", they usually mean hopscotching from one sexual partner to the next. I've got this book by one Thomas Schmidt which makes a study of the relationship between homosexuality and Christianity, and the conclusion of this author is that being gay is wrong for Christians because it's intrinsically promiscuous. In my opinion casual sex is wrong, so my council is to not have sex tonight with this young man. Ask yourself a different question: is my entire life committed to this person that I want everything to be done for his good, and sex is a part of that life commitment? May God be with you as you work it all out. And if you do end up having sex with the young man or someone else, don't hide away thinking "Fod won't want to talk to me." Even if I think you made a mistake, you're still part of the family :) (actually I'll be secretly jealous) I finally comment on the legality of sex with a 17yo. It depends on which state you're in. Check out this website: www.ageofconsent.com, they've got all the AOCs listed out. And this entrapment business does seem to be a serious danger. The majority of underage boys seeking sex are said to be police. If the AOC where you are is 18, tell him you'll take him out for his birthday. Something he can look forward too. Hope something there helps, Fod |