Re: Gay or not?
Submitted by Heather on March 20 1999 at 21:36:24
In reply to Gay or not? Submitted by Nash on March 20 1999 at 16:41:26
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Boy, as F.O.D. says, you're tackling a lot. Here's some thoughts on the linguistic issue first: "Gay" is sometimes used by people to signify their same-sex attraction; more often it is used to signify people who believe that it is morally right to act on their same-sex attraction. Certainly, though, there are virgins who plan to have a gay relationship some day who would happily call themselves gay for that reason. (My closest female friend didn't wait to have her first heterosexual relationship before she called herself straight.) If you have doubts about whether it's morally right to act on your same-sex attraction (and certainly your use of the word "gay lifestyle" suggests that you've been around people who feel it's wrong), then I'd highly encourage you to figure out what you believe before you start worrying about the emotional aspects of it. If you believe that it's wrong to have sex with another man, then it doesn't matter whether your reasons for wanting to do so are good or bad - it would still be wrong in any case for you to go against your conscience. I've linked below to Bridges Across the Divide, a site that offers links to articles looking at both sides of this question. Certainly your same-sex attraction might just be a phase - it is for some people. That's something you'd want to figure out too - you wouldn't want to let another man fall in love with you and then discover that you're really not very interested in men. For that reason, I wouldn't recommend having a sexual relationship in order to find out if you're gay - that would be like marrying someone in order to find out whether you're in love with them. F.O.D. is right to caution you about the legal aspects of the 17-year-old; there's two other things you should know. One is that these "age of consent" lists (and the one he directed you to is the best on the Web) are very approximate; there are many other laws that cover adult-minor sex besides the age of consent laws. The second is that, if you both live in the U.S., your sexual relationship would be illegal regardless of whether the age of consent is under eighteen in his area, because relationships that originally take place through telecommunications - the Internet, long-distance phone calls, etc. - are governed by the federal age of consent, which is eighteen. Regardless of what you decide about whether to have sex with a male, I agree with F.O.D. that it would be wisest to wait for the boy's eighteenth birthday. Just be glad you aren't interested in a twelve-year-old. :) The possibility of entrapment - if not in this case, then in others - is also definitely something you should consider. That's the routine method by which law enforcement officials locate pedophiles these days. Think "Internet safety," if not for the boy's sake, then for your own. Heather |